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Thursday, February 20, 2014

A MRS. CRANKY REBUTTAL


A MRS. CRANKY REBUTTAL

 

I often submit posts which Mrs. Cranky feels are less than flattering to her.  She sometimes even thinks I make fun of her.  She is sensitive to these posts.  I assure her that my characterization of her is all in good fun, and those that read these posts recognize I exaggerate.  Many comments from readers suggest that I am  lucky that Mrs. C puts up with me.  Some comments, however, suggest that if Mrs. C doesn’t like these posts, she should blog herself and rebut my assertions.  This will not happen, but just this one time, I will post a rebuttal on her behalf.

Some readers of the Cranky Old Man may find the posts to be interesting and maybe even entertaining, especially, apparently, those posts which poke fun at Mrs. Cranky.  Imagine if you will the many opinions and nonsensical chatter that make up the Cranky Old Man posts, and make believe you are subjected to this constant blather of opinions, thoughts and theories on everything ALL DAY!  That, blog readers, is my life.

If he is not spouting opinions, random thoughts, and theories, he is making fun of me.  He calls it teasing.  “I tease because I love.”  I call it making fun of me.

Oh sure I can’t throw anything away.  I still have appliances that technology has made obsolete.  Yes, I still have the receipts from the appliances that technology has made obsolete.  Yes I have a VCR tape rewinder, and yes I did use it three months ago.  It is true that even though I am half-Italian, I don’t cook and won’t eat tomatoes, mushrooms or garlic.  I do know the dialog of movies and I will recite it just before the actors.  I may rearrange six different pillows in various places before I roll over to go to sleep; one at the end of the bed, one beside me on the floor, one by my leg and three to lay on.  I won’t let him drive my car because he will mess up my seat adjustment.  I keep twenty pairs of shoes in my car, and I won’t carry a pocketbook…ever.  Sure some of these things may be different, but…

He never shuts up.  He watches TV with one eye on the computer and constantly asks me to fill him in on stuff he missed.  He never listens to me.  I have to repeat stuff over and over and still he forgets.  He will ask if I want something from downstairs when he goes for a glass of water and when I request something he will come back upstairs with just the glass of water. 

“Oh yeah, I forgot.” And he makes fun of me? 

He couldn’t find a phone in a phone booth; and he makes fun of me?

He gets lost driving to the local Wawa three blocks away; and he makes fun of me?

He hollers at his computer constantly because he is so technologically illiterate; and he makes fun of me?

He couldn’t spell CAT if you spot him the C and the T; and he makes fun of me?

And he IS cranky!

There you have it, Mrs. Cranky’s rebuttal.  It is all true.  It is why she calls me a jerk. But there is one more thing,

I am adorable…she may disagree, but then she never throws anything away.  

19 comments:

  1. Ha! This is funny. Mrs C....if you ever want to off him I think you could plead "justifiable homicide".

    I poke fun at my spousal unit, too, but it's always with love. Yesterday I did that and my comments were, "Oh, you're gonna be in TROUBLE!" But of course I had her proof it to make sure SHE thought it was funny first. I may be a lot of things, but "stupid" isn't one of them. :)

    S

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  2. well, since she won't toss anything, guess you're a keeper. :)

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  3. Sounds as though you are safe and that you both are enablers.

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  4. Sounds like the honeymoon phase is over. Next up, the 7 year itch.

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  5. It sounds like you both have each other figured out and are in it for the long haul.

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  6. It's about changing the seat adjustments! My BIL leaves the steering wheel thrown UP to the dashboard, the seat totally back and...

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  7. Ha!
    I think Mrs. C needs to start a blog of her own. You can call it Mrs. Cranky. And you two can be, like dueling bloggers. It would be cool :)

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  8. "He watches TV with one eye on the computer and constantly asks me to fill him in on stuff he missed."

    My husband does this too. Makes me crazy. Sigh.

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  9. Oh, dear, I'm afraid I have to plead guilty to many of the sins of Cranky myself. But anytime SWMBO wants the keyboard, she is welcome to it. (He said, grudgingly.)

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  10. I have much the same 'problem' as you - a WIFE who is great fodder for blog posts, but who sometimes feels I make her look less than flattering. MY WIFE wrote a rebuttal a couple of times. I won't let her do it anymore because all the responses she got were unflattering to ME and it's my blog, damn it.

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  11. I write about my husband all the time. It is always less than flattering. What does he have to say about it? "You know how you write about me all the time? Here's a story for you."

    Better to be written about less-than-flatteringly than not to be written about at all.

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  12. Dear Mrs. Cranky: Please start your own blog. I need to know how you go through life without a purse. I'd love to do that, since mine gives me pinched nerves which literally is a pain in the neck. I can't pull it off, though.

    Also - twenty pairs of shoes in the car? We need to know the story behind this.

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  13. no worries Mrs C, there's no doubt he's a jerk. an almost lovable jerk. actually he reminds me of my older brother, and we'll leave it at that for the time being.

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  14. What a delightful, insightful post. Please give Mrs Cranky the floor on a regular basis( or her own blog??) I can see where a sense of humor and the ease of venting is a saving grace for you both:))

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  15. You guys sound like me and my husband of 26 years. Only the roles are reversed. I'm the directionally challenged one. :D

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  16. May I join the others in saying that Mrs. Cranky should definitely have her own blog! I would also like to know how she gets along without ever carrying a pocketbook!

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  17. That is a fantastic post! I would definitely read a Mrs Cranky blog!
    Very funny to hear the other side too

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