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Sunday, January 26, 2014

STUPID HEADLINES 012614


STUPID HEADLINES 012614

It is time once again for:
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

One headline is completely made up, guess the fake and win a mention and a Whoop-tee-do.

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More students caught snorting Smarties candy – “Like dude, I thought it would make me smart.”

Woman’s group demands gender terminology to change “Men” to “PWAPS” or “Persons with a penis.” – This is way too confusing, aren’t women commonly known as “PWAPS” or “Persons without a penis?”

Poker blogger gets probation for stealing dealer tips with chopsticks at Conn. Casino – I’ve heard of sticky fingers, and “fork it over,” but stealing with chopsticks?

Colorado proposal would require pre-marriage education classes- Problem solved!

Barbra Bush – I love Bill Clinton – “I did NOT have sex with that woman!”

Team of scientists date Monet masterpiece down to the minute – Wait a second!

Is a blimp watching you? New surveillance craft raises privacy questions – Is that the NSA?  I thought it was just Chris Christie checking traffic.

Poor sleep linked to teen mental health problems – Isn’t this a horse/cart kinda thing? 

In California, girls can use urinals in the boys' restroom*Here is a hand-basket, just point me to Hell.

Super Bowl creating traffic jam for private jets – If you can’t park your jet I feel sorry for you son, I got 99 problems, but this ain’t one.

JPMorgan's Dimon gets 74% pay hike despite legal woes – This just might get Scott @Lowandslow to slit his wrist…DON’T DO IT SCOTT!

Colleagues of gym teacher who molested boy refused to aid probe– For the last time could you please use “inquiry” instead of “probe” when referring to sexual molestation!

Internet community cracks dying grandmother's code 18 years laterNote said, “Help me, I’m choking to death.”

Transgender teen charged with battery - I guess they couldn’t figure out where to put the plug.


*Would anyone who agrees with this law please un-friend and un-follow me right now…thank you.

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Last week’s fake headline was:

Congress to vote on a cut in pay for themselves and their staff - Vote will take place on April 1.

Everyone that chose to enter the contest guessed correctly.  Eleven for eleven!  Of all the stupid, ridiculous, outrageous fake headlines in the past year the only one that absolutely no one could believe was in any way shape or form true regardless of any possible context and absolutely had to be fake was:

Congress to vote on a cut in pay for themselves and their staff.

I think that speaks volumes!!

Congratulations to the winners…EVERYONE!

Come back next week for more

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

15 comments:

  1. I would guess "Barbra Bush – I love Bill Clinton". Why? I have no idea.

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  2. So Jamie "The Weasel" Dimon got a huge payout, did he? He'll need it to pay his legal team to keep him out of the clink. (Those Sicilian lawyers on loan from The Family don't work cheap, you know.)

    NOTE: There was no blood spilled in the writing of this comment. ;)

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  3. Almost forgot....

    That Colorado pre-marriage class could be a guy's dream come true. "Aww come on babe....you know I'd LOVE to marry you. It's just that with my dyslexia there's no way I could ever pass the test. We're still on for this weekend, right?" ;)

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  4. I think the Colorado law would be terrific. Everyone who eats Smarties would figure they couldn't live together.

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  5. I'm going to go with the PWAP story.

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  6. A little morbid, but grandma's plea for help?

    I know it's not the answer, but the details strike me as ridiculous as the others. :)

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  7. Some of these I saw in the news, but the one about dating the Monet seems preposterous to me.

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  8. My guess is with Mrs. Bush. the one with Smartees sounds unreal too, but knowing kids- - -

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  9. PWAPs ... funny word, makes me laugh. And I vote for that headline.

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  10. Can I pick all of the above?? Ok, then the grandmother one.

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  11. I am SO leaning toward the minute-Monet as fake...but I suppose maybe a scientist can determine when a paint was exposed to oxygen or light and began to deteriorate or react with the canvas.

    I am choosing the chopstick poker dude as fake. Because I can't imagine someone taking chopsticks into the casino. There are cameras everywhere. But maybe that's how he got caught. Only probation? That's STEALING. Surely the casinos frown upon such wanton acts of thievery. It's not like he was just counting cards. What did he do, stick those chopsticks up his sleeves, and let them out like tiny doll-hands on SNL's Kristen Wiig as Dooneese?

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  12. I am taking a wild guess with Poker blogger gets probation for stealing dealer tips with chopsticks at Conn. Casino.

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  13. I would have no idea what to pick as the fake this week. Since in my mind, Stephen knows everything about art and he picked the Monet as the wrong one, I'm picking that one, too.

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  14. Hilarious headlines this week! I'm thinking Cranky should be doing the news. I'd definitely watch the show but I am thinking that maybe the whole PWAPS is the bogus headline.

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