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Sunday, December 15, 2013

STUPID HEADLINES 121513


STUPID HEADLINES 121513

It is time once again for:
 
I think I see the problem in that county...
 

 

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

 

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

 


One headline is completely made up.  Guess the fake and win a mention.

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Obama’s FTC now going after evil capitalist piano teachers – Well it’s about time.  I feel much safer now.  Frig you Miss Grundy they’re gonna get you!

David Beckham forced to perform humiliating sex act in hazing ritual as teen – It won’t be long until a new movie will be out, “Bend Over Like Beckham.”*

6 detained in Mexico radioactive material theft – Men were found in the middle of the night hiding behind a bush…the GLOW kinda gave them away.

Colorado boy, 6, suspended, accused of sexual harassment for kissing girl on cheek – Which cheek?

Congressional Budget Deal Reached By Bipartisan Negotiators – This is clearly the fake headline.

Nantucket’s only funeral home closes, prompting island scramble – Probably just another of those “Going out of business sale” gimmicks.

India's Supreme Court upholds colonial-era anti-gay sex law – Now I can visit India and feel safe, except for those left-handed people, short people, and people with speech impediments.   I’m sure they will also be outlawed soon.

What's the etiquette of 'selfies' at funerals? – Probably should not be done next to an open casket.

GM recalls faulty brakes on Chevy's – “I remember in 1987, we sold some cars with the crappiest brakes ever.  People slid all over on those things and we just laughed and laughed!”

Pilots, not computers, should fly planes – One pilot tried to abort a flight by pressing Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and right away they want to ban computers from flights.

Man steals truck to make vehicle theft court date – Somehow I don’t think this is going to end well for him.

Congress wants military to have common camouflage – I’m sure Congress will mandate a pattern that really stands out!

*Sorry, that was cheap and degrading…I won’t do it again…maybe.

 

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Last week’s fake headline was:

San Francisco passes law making “having fun” in city parks illegal – I wonder how they define “Having Fun?”

And the winners are:

TexWisGirl said…

I really hope Francis was a bar bouncer, but I’m going with the San Fran fun law…just for fun. Visit TexWisGirl @ http://run-a-roundranch.blogspot.com/  for photos and “stuff.”

Stephen Hayes said…

I've had lots of fun in San Francisco parks and I find this one hard to swallow. Hmmnn, there's a clue to what me and my girlfriend were doing in that park in this comment.

No comment on the clue, but then my mind runs in the gutter

Visit Stephen for sentimental, funny, and sometimes even educational posts


Val said…

I spend my working day elbow-deep in the scientific method, always emphasizing the difference between subjective and objective hypotheses. It seems that laws, too, should meet the "measurable" criteria. How can you quantify fun?

Leave it to the “Victorian" for complicated scientific reasoning.

For more twisted thinking visit Val @ http://unbaggingthecats.blogspot.com/

Fishducky also guessed right, but she has “retired” so do not visit


Please stop by and congratulate all the winners.

Thank you all for entering and come back next week for more

STUPID HEADLINES.

9 comments:

  1. i'll pluck the piano teacher one from the hat today.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm going to pick the GM recall. They just couldn't put out a Chevy with faulty brakes. Could they?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I know one I won't pick :-D

    I'm gonna go with the faulty brakes.
    But only because I don't think it made the headlines this week.

    ReplyDelete
  4. That camouflage one sounds phony to me, as does anything related to this Congress.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm going with the evil capitalist piano teachers as the fake one this week.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Well, you may have been cheap and gratuitous, but it made me laugh out loud. As for #4, I wish that was the fake one, but I have no doubt whatsoever it's real. I'll take a stab and guess #5 is the phony.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sorry, GI Joe. You're going to Siberia. Good luck remaining invisible in your desert browns.

    Hmm...I don't presume to know how the government thinks, but I'm picking the common camouflage. Since the whole purpose of camouflage is to blend in...how can they know the troops will only be fighting in one specific environment?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Truck theft. Hilarious, though. I hope it's true. His sentence should be to get 'stoopid' tattooed on his head.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ooh, the Nantucket story is begging for a limerick:

    Please, if you live in Nantucket,
    Try really hard not to kick the bucket!
    Because if you do
    There's no funeral for you
    And...

    You can write the rest.

    ReplyDelete

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