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Tuesday, October 15, 2013

MAN FLU or MARTYR WIFE


MAN FLU or MARTYR WIFE
 

Things are going pretty good lately for this cranky old man so I feel the need to submit a post which will cause many of my readers of the female persuasion to rip me a new backside exit.  Yes I am a masochistic misogynistic cranky old man, so have at it all you misanthropists’ ladies. 

The following is based on my experience with a “Martyr ex-wife.”

I often read in some of the many blogs I follow, caustic, eye rolling sarcastic, comments oozing with hatred for their significant other about a recent bout of “Man Flu.”

Sorry ladies and I know you will hit me with examples, but “Man Flu” is a crock of crap invented by women.  Women who are as tough as nails when it comes to all things children are the worst when it comes to colds. 

I get that it is hard to perform your usual daily routine when you are a little under the weather, but you complain as much or more than any man when you are ill.  Most men do try and offer sympathy, but women do not accept sympathy or help when they are ill.  No, they prefer to wallow in martyrdom.  Try and help a woman when she is sick and she will get pissed off.  Everything you do to help will be wrong because women are deathly afraid to find out their family can exist without them…they can’t, but it is what women fear.

Now, I admit when I was working and was sick I would take an occasional day off from work, something that a woman can never do, but I took those days off at my wife’s insistence.  I was then allowed to stay in bed all day as she brought me medication and sustenance.  By the end of the day I would be beaten up for accepting the attention.  I never took more than one day off from work, because that one day had me so beholding to my wife I would hear about it for years to come.

Man flu hell! 

I soon learned to drag my ass to work no matter how sick I felt and no matter who I might infect, because rest and recovery was never worth the crap I would endure for months about how helpless I am when sick and how she could never take a day off.

Friggin bull crap martyr!

I waited hand and foot on her many times and the result would always end up the same.  She would wake up from a nap and want something while I was finally catching a quick snooze myself.  Man, the bowels of HELL were unleashed upon me.

I had whooping cough one year.  This is a disease that last for ninety days.  Ninety days of not breathing without dry coughing.  Ninety days of pure misery.  I went to work every day, and every day I was lambasted for doing so.  Apparently I was being selfish for not taking better care of myself.  I was even told at one point that, “If you die, I’m going to spit on your grave!” It was not meant to be funny.

I refused to give her the satisfaction…I lived!

There is NO MAN FLU.  There are women who insist on waiting on their man when he is sick and then complaining about it later.

There are women who insist on no special treatment when they are sick who then complain about it later.

Man Flu is the result of women resorting to their nurturing instinct followed by their complaining instinct along with their martyr instinct.

Man Flu is a figment of femagination.  Still ladies…I love ya!      

15 comments:

  1. Oh gosh, I have no words.
    Okay, yeah, I do.

    "Man Flu is the result of women resorting to their nurturing instinct followed by their complaining instinct along with their martyr instinct."

    I hate to say this but you are spot on. I had to read this sentence a few times trying to find fault in what you say...but I can't find anything to call you on. Now, my husband is rarely sick...but if is and he needs so much as a Tylenol then I will remind him for months afterwards of how I got out of bed, went down into the kitchen and searched our medicine box, and retrieved that pill for him along with a glass of water...walked all the way back up stairs (through the snow, barefoot) to bring it to him.

    But I will say this...the human race would have died out in the first year of our existence if MEN had to go through 9 months of pregnancy and labor and all that stuff that goes along with that entire experience. You can't EVEN deny that as being a fact. My husband is a tough guy, but I swear when he gets a leg cramp it's the end of the flip'n world. Life in this house has to stop when he gets a leg cramp. It's all, "Ohhh Gawd....oh gawd it hurts....ooooh....ooooh it's not stopping.....oooooh my leg, my legggg!" and call me callous, but I just sit there and say, "How's that feel, huh, Buddy? Yeah, just imagine that feeling for 9 or 10 hours straight....doesn't feel so good, does it? Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go see if there's a game on. Do we have any beer?"

    And don't even get me started on when he steps on a Lego in the middle of the night. Oh, brother!

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  2. Katrina: Thanks for not beating me up too badly...I tried to cover the birth thing in the first sentence "Women who are as tough as nails when it comes to all things children." And those Legos' hurt, how do you avoid them?

    Hey, your guy runs through burning buildings to rescue children, old people and cats...throw him a bone!

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  3. I won't disagree with anything here, Cranky, but DAMN, I wouldn't have said it out loud. I'll send you a PM with the phone number for the witness protection program. ;)

    S

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  4. Then, if we're lucky, we find a new spouse who makes us forget all that.

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  5. Well! I'm really glad you don't have to go through that any more, Joeh!

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  6. Years ago my wife decided that nothing I can do when she's sick is adequate. No amount of pillow fluffing or bringing liquids capped with all-important bendy straws will bring me praise. But when I'm sick I just want to be left alone. I get criticized for this as well. Fortunately neither one of us gets sick often.

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  7. I fell down & hurt my butt--will you kiss it & make it better? My husband WON'T!!

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  8. I am the only one that just wants too be left alone when I am sick. Hand over the Nyquil and I will see ya in the morning......

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  9. You really got a bad shake the first time around! Yeah, I've heard the jokes about how poor a patient a guy is supposed to be. And you're right about most women (guilty as charged) preferring to play the martyr role. My guy deserves a medal for taking over when I had some nasty surgery. More moms need to teach their boys how to cook and clean so they at least understand what is going on.

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  10. Let me know when you guys learn how to warm up left-over spaghetti so you don't sit starving until we get home.

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  11. A jar of Ragu, and i'm good and I make a mean PBJ!

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  12. After my cross country trip of navigation for hubby, I'd rather take care of him while he's sick. Uggh...

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  13. You're right about women being as tough as nails. Since starting allergy shots 8 years ago, I'm rarely sick, but in March I got hit with the flu. I did my usual slaving for the family for 3 days while somehow denying my sickness before I decided to go see a doctor.

    And how about being determined to breastfeed my daughter so much that I went through a bout of cracked nipples and continued the feedings several times a day. When that baby latched on, well... LOL

    There's more, but I'll stop there.

    Oh... What were you saying?

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