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Sunday, September 1, 2013

STUPID HEADLINES 090113


STUPID HEADLINES 090113

It is time once again for:
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
 
How do they do it?
 
 

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments. 

 

One headline is completely made up.  Guess the fake and win a mention.

__________________________

Anna Kendrick recommends drinking on a first date 'if sex is off the table' – So on her first date she usually has sex on a table?

Live grenade found near McDonald's in Vermont – Fast food chain decides to discontinue the “McPineapple.”

New York Yankee Alex Rodriquez admits to taking performance enhancing drugs - Yankee third baseman then sues manufacturers of these drugs for their complete failure to enhance his performance.
Only missed by a foot!
 

Connecticut man, 81, accidentally shoots self after sneezing – Man swears he didn’t know his nose was loaded.

Will Bernanke Announce Policy Changes in Jackson Hole?Oh no, I am not going to touch this one!

RI police arrest man naked and covered in Crisco* – Man wanted to join the Friars Club.

All 25,000 students who took University of Liberia admission test fail – It is a one question test, “Do you want to attend the University of Liberia?”

Atheists Call 9-11 Memorial Cross “Grossly Offensive” – I’ve got better shit to do than these ass holes, and I’m retired!

Teresa And Joe Giudice Freak Out Over $5 Beach Fees She is a “Real Housewife of New Jersey?” Doesn’t everyone from New Jersey know you go in the water when the beach-badge girl comes around!

Kim Jong-un's ex-girlfriend reportedly executed by firing squad – You do not say, “It’s not you; it’s me" to Kim Jong-un.**

Zimmerman's wife needs to 'think about' staying married – Just don’t use your “Thinking Hoodie!”

Massachusetts owes Obama $312.46 Better pay up, he is the Commander-in-chief!

Video from Egypt shows Muslim mob attacking Christian church, taking down cross – Big deal; just don’t draw a cartoon of Jesus

Or



I KEEL YOU!!

 

*Thanks Uncle Skip http://lionskip.blogspot.com/

**I apologize for making fun of this atrocity.  Kim’s ex and several others were machine gunned down for participating in a “pornographic film.”  They did not define “pornography.”  The family members of these women were forced to watch the execution and were then sent to Korean Prison Camps. 

Kim Jong-un is a disgusting, deranged, fat, shrived-dick pig. 
___________________________

 

Last week’s fake headline was:

Lindsey Lohan declares, “I am drug and alcohol free!” – Well they do say the first 15 minutes is the hardest!

The only winner was…(drum roll) FISHDUCKY!!!

            fishducky said...

I think it's the Lindsey Lohan one.

Visit fishducky and her knee slapping funny blog @ http://fishducky.blogspot.com/  

9 comments:

  1. "All 25,000 students who took University of Liberia admission test fail"

    You must be really stupid when the U of L is your only choice remaining to beat the draft.

    What? We don't have the draft any more? Nevermind then.

    ReplyDelete
  2. i hereby concede to fishducky. forever.

    ReplyDelete

  3. I think the fake headline is about the Connecticut gentleman.

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  4. No guess this week, but I love the picture of Jeff Dunham & his terrorist!!

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  5. I go for the University of Liberia one this week. I would want to go to that could not make a test that not even one person could pass.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm going with the University of Liberia. I've heard of harsh admission standards, but this test makes it THE most exclusive school ever.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I don't know which one is fake but they're all winners. Much better entertainment than late night talk shows and I don't have to sit through endless commercials about wet bum wipes and discussions of vulgar dancing.

    p.s. Jackson Hole (just an hour from here) needs some policy changes but Bernanke isn't the one to do it.

    ReplyDelete

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