THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe)and satire, mostly stuff from a confused head.
I intend for this blog to be non-political. If I offer a political statement, rebuttals are permitted, however this blog is not for the unsolicited political opinions of others and as such those comments will be deleted and not published.
NEW AND IMPROVED
This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!
Sunday, September 1, 2013
STUPID HEADLINES 090113
STUPID HEADLINES 090113
is time once again for:
How do they do it?
This week’s stupid headlines and my
stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.
headline is completely made up. Guess the fake and win a mention.
Anna Kendrick recommends drinking on a first date 'if sex
is off the table' – So
on her first date she usually has sex on a table?
Live grenade found near McDonald's in Vermont – Fast food
chain decides to discontinue the “McPineapple.”
New York Yankee Alex Rodriquez admits to taking performance enhancing drugs
- Yankee third baseman then sues manufacturers of these drugs for their
complete failure to enhance his performance.
Only missed by a foot!
Connecticut man, 81, accidentally shoots self after
sneezing – Man swears he
didn’t know his nose was loaded.
Will Bernanke Announce Policy Changes
in Jackson Hole? – Oh no, I am not going to touch this one!
RI police arrest man naked and covered in Crisco* – Man wanted to join the Friars Club.
All 25,000 students who took University of Liberia
admission test fail – It
is a one question test, “Do you want to attend the University of Liberia?”
Atheists Call 9-11 Memorial Cross
I’ve got better shit to do than these ass holes, and I’m retired!
Teresa And Joe
Giudice Freak Out Over $5 Beach Fees – She is a “Real
Housewife of New Jersey?” Doesn’t everyone from New Jersey know you go in the
water when the beach-badge girl comes around!
Kim Jong-un's ex-girlfriend reportedly executed by firing
squad – You do not say,
“It’s not you; it’s me" to Kim Jong-un.**
Zimmerman's wife needs to 'think about' staying married –
Just don’t use your “Thinking Hoodie!”
owes Obama $312.46– Better pay up, he is the Commander-in-chief!
Video from Egypt shows Muslim mob attacking Christian
church, taking down cross– Big deal; just don’t draw a cartoon of
**I apologize for making fun of this
atrocity.Kim’s ex and several others
were machine gunned down for participating in a “pornographic film.”They did not define “pornography.”The family members of these women were forced
to watch the execution and were then sent to Korean Prison Camps.
Kim Jong-un is a disgusting, deranged,
fat, shrived-dick pig. ___________________________
Last week’s fake headline was:
declares, “I am drug and alcohol free!”– Well they do say the first 15 minutes
is the hardest!