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Sunday, August 11, 2013

STUPID HEADLINES 081113


STUPID HEADLINES 081113

It is time once again for:

 

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
 
But??
 

 

 
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments. 

 

One headline is completely made up.  Guess the fake and win a mention.

 

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Citrus farmers enlist army of wasps to help save crops – You know the economy is bad when white Protestants have to take farm work.

15-ton ball of fat removed from London sewer – It was just Michael Moore filming an underground movie.

Sheriff's deputy arrested for pistol-whipping his father when he caught him having sex with his wife in their son's bedroom

Alaska man kills charging bear with assault rifle – Man claims the hardest part was wrestling the assault rifle from the bear.

American tourist snaps finger off 600-year-old statue at Italian museum – Museum guards were outraged, especially after the tourist gave them the finger.

Tree Worker Rescued After Being Pinned In Old Bridge, N.J. – Well, the Maple was a state champion.

Florida man who survived lightning strike now recovering from shark bite in Bahamas – Well I guess God doesn’t love everyone.

California man who thought he was a lesbian gets sex change  He then wanted to change his mind, but brain transfers are illegal in California.

Shark found on New York subway carBig deal, It is Shark Week!

New Zealander building 3D-printed Aston Martin DB4 – But you have to wear those funky glasses to drive the thing.

Skydiver escapes locked coffin, parachutes to safety I have heard of a skydiver forgetting his parachute, but to forget you are in a locked coffin?

A Book the Size of a LadybugI really don’t want to say this, but I cannot help myself…“Just the right thing for some light reading.”*

Britney Spears Wears Mini Dress and Thigh-High Boots to Church - This is outrageous and unbelievable! Britney went to church?

Bill to allow transgender students to choose bathrooms moves to California governor's desk – I wonder how much it will cost California tax payers when all government buildings have to have a His/Hers/and Whatever.

US to re-open 18 closed embassies this weekend – President Obama has a 9:00 tee time!

 

*I said I was sorry!




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Last week’s fake headline was:

High School Football Team changes offense to shotgun formation when girl tries out for center - I’m not going to touch this one either.

And the only winner – Ratta tat tat…CRASH!

FISHDUCKY!!

            fishducky said...

I'll give it another go--how about "High School Football Team changes offense to shotgun formation when girl tries out for center"? 

If you like to laugh, visit Fran, Queen of The Fake Headlines, @

8 comments:

  1. Thanks for the morning laughs. You've got some really good ones this week, and as always, I get a bigger kick out of your comments as I do out of the original headlines.

    Okay, the fake? I hope it's the one about the bear with the assault rifle. Lord knows, if the animals start fighting back, a lot of hunters are gonna be in trouble.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Citrus farmers enlist army of wasps to help save crops"

    So THAT'S where all those laid off Space Shuttle engineers in Florida found work.

    ReplyDelete
  3. okay, i'm on a losing roll, but i'll go for the skydiver.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm probably wrong this week, but I'll go for "Citrus farmers enlist army of wasps to help save crops".

    ReplyDelete
  5. It's really difficult to believe that only one of these is a fake. Really?

    I'm going to go with the California man getting a sex change--it just doesn't make sense

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think the citrus farmer one is fake, but the statue with the broken finger made me laugh the most.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm going for the Alaskan assault-rifler as fake. I think Alaskans carry more powerful firearms that don't shoot so much.

    But if it's true, I wonder how much effort it took to pry that assault rifle from the bear's cold, dead paws.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I have a hard time believing most of these...but...I think the fake one is the one about a shark being found on the NY Subway. I don't know, it just seems a bit "fishy" to me -- after your one post about Sharknado, I think you were just waiting to write this one!

    ReplyDelete

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