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Tuesday, August 27, 2013

MORE BULL SHIT STUDIES


MORE BULL SHIT STUDIES
 
 
This is not the first time I have gone on a rant on this subject, but here I go again.  Experts, surveys and crap (I so want to say ‘Oh MY’ but I am struggling to remain a heterosexual.) Is there any end to stupid worthless surveys and studies that prove absolutely nothing?

This morning the local TV News bobbleheads reported on an interesting study.  Some numbnutz somehow conducted a study which proved that the fans of a losing football team eat less healthy than fans of the winning team. 

How was this determined?

Why was this determined?

Who gives a rodents backside?

What is any one supposed to do with this information?

Studies have been done ad nausea determining that people that are depressed do not eat as healthy as people that are not depressed.  It does not take a huge leap to assume the fans of a losing team are more depressed than the fans of the winning team, so why was this study needed.

I am going to guess that Brides who are left at the altar eat less healthy than Brides who are not left at the altar.  Students that flunk out of school eat less healthy than the Valedictorian.  People who drive crappy cars eat less healthy than those who own a Corvette. 

People who (add any unsuccessful endeavor here) eat less healthy than people who (add any successful endeavor here.)

Stop it with these stupid worthless studies which are fake, made up nonsense crap that does not go past a peer review because they are so silly.  They serve only to allow the morning news nitwits to make a lame joke segue between a fiery school bus crash and the weather report! 

I think the problem is every year thousands of psychology students need a thesis to get their doctorate, and all the relevant topics have been taken.

In the interests of science here are my suggestions for future bull shit studies:

Do vacuum lines in the carpet mean you’re going to get lucky?

Do dogs wag their tails because they are happy, or is it a form of canine Tourette’s?

Why do birds sing so gay and lovers await the break of the day
why do they fall in love?

Where does Dr. Phil get all his resources?

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Is a Diner really a Diner if the waitress does not call you Honey?

Do people who exercise more than two hours a day lose more weight than people who eat donuts and then purge?

Who are happier, dog people or cat people?

Who put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong?

Is there a woman alive above the age of 35 who has not seen every episode of “Sex and the City” at least five times?

Why do people who read this blog eat unhealthy food?

13 comments:

  1. Obviously there is way too much government "research" grant money available.

    S

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  2. You have made me laugh very loud and long in a very quiet French Internet place! I quite agree with the above comment -- it's all about getting grants -- think of all the people who have jobs thanks to these idiotic studies!

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  3. the donuts and purge made me laugh. now i've got to go exercise for 2 hours...

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  4. Love it. I cannot believe some of the studies they conduct - such a waste of money. And it's my money they're wasting!

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  5. Oh, well done. :-)

    Think I'll have a salad for lunch!

    Pearl

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  6. For the record, I'd like to state that I am well over 35 and have not seen every episode of Sex in the City. My husband owns a Corvette and is a closet McDonald's eater and I eat celery whilst reading your blog... Am I an anomaly?

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  7. How about a study on duck genitalia...

    http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2013/04/duck_penis_controversy_nsf_is_right_to_fund_basic_research_that_conservatives.html

    there was also one done of the sex life of frogs... years back.. wonder if anything good came from it. suppose I'll google and see

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  8. So many of these grants seem to be for absurd research. No one ever mentions the supposed benefits of this research.

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  9. Well...I'm a 44 year old woman and I have not seen one single full episode of Sex in the City! Seriously, can't stand that show.

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  10. A recent study showed that most followers of your blog don't give a crap about studies!!

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  11. I thought you knew dogs are happier than cats. And cats don't give a rats backside about either part of the study.

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  12. You caught me. I popped a Junior Mint just before I started reading. It can't be undone.

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  13. CANINE TOURETTE'S! I VOTE CANINE TOURETTE'S!

    ReplyDelete

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