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Monday, August 5, 2013

ARGUING WITH A WOMAN - a cranky re-run

ARGUING WITH A WOMAN

This re-run is from August 2011

Would you play football against a team that was allowed to field twenty-two players against your eleven?  Would you play baseball against a team that was allowed six outs an inning to your three?  Would you play poker against someone who started every hand with Aces to your 7-2?  Then I ask you, men, why do you argue with a woman?

You can’t argue with a woman because they make up the rules.

Men, when you get grief because you left your underwear on the floor don’t ask “what is the big deal?”  The big deal is you ALWAYS leave your underwear on the floor.

RULE #1 When you do something wrong, you ALWAYS do it wrong.

RULE #2 When you forget to do something, you NEVER remember to do it.

Rule #3 Do not compare what you did or didn’t do to your lady. 

For instance:  “But you sometimes leave your panties on the floor.”

Dude….you just compared your disgusting u-trow to your ladies panties!  Men’s underwear/ladies panties; apples and oranges, or more accurately thorn bush and lilacs.

Rule #4 For every complaint that you have a valid response, she will not acknowledge, but will hit you with another of your screw ups totally out of context.  Responding to complaints is like being the ball in a pinball machine, and she is the flipper.

Rule #5 There is a three day window to bring up any wife’s screw-up.  Husband’s mistakes have an unlimited shelf life.  If you were wrong eight years ago you are still wrong, and it will be brought up!

Rule #6 If an argument involves a time, date, or year you are wrong.

Rule #7 Hearsay evidence is only immiscible for the wife.  What her girl friend says counts, what your stupid deadbeat drunken friends say carries no weight.

Rule #8 If you raise your voice, it is because you know you are wrong.

Rule #9 If you remain calm, you are a controlling unemotional egotistical jerk.

Rule #10 If she cries, the argument is over and you lost.

The most important rule of all:

WHEN YOU WIN YOU LOSE!!  Even if you have a really comfortable couch.  When you win you lose.

Full disclosure requires I say that experiences that led to the above post were ALL pre-Mrs. Cranky!  Mrs. Cranky also requires I make this statement!

9 comments:

  1. A whole lot of things came to mind as I read the post.

    Number one among them was, "No shit!"
    It was like playing football and being penalized on every play.

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  2. I did read this is your third marriage, right?

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  3. Yes Carolyn....he's a slow learner.

    And you can't even say you're sorry and get out of jail. "I'm sorry sweetie."

    "For what? Do you know what you did? Do you REALLY know what you did?"

    "Of course, and I'm sorry."

    "OK, what did you do?"

    "Umm....you know....that thing that was so bad."

    *silence*

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  4. low and slow is upstaging you again...

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  5. My comment was going to ask if this research was based on previous Mrs. Crankies or the current one, so I was glad to see the disclaimer. You're a talented fellow but not even you can sleep forever with one eye open.

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  6. There is only 1 rule when arguing with a woman:

    Rule: Don't argue with a woman.

    There - nothing more needs to be said!

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  7. It's admirable that you understand the rules of the game so well. And don't forget: two rousing "attaboys" are immediately offset by one stupid "oh, shit".

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  8. "Responding to complaints is like being the ball in a pinball machine, and she is the flipper." Love that line--it IS & SHOULD BE TRUE!!

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  9. What can I say? Darling Husband doesn't even try. I never lose, even when I'm wrong.

    Oh, yes, I do lose sometimes...when he becomes deaf and dumb.

    Oops..."hearing impaired"

    ReplyDelete

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