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Sunday, June 2, 2013

STUPID HEADLINES 060213


STUPID HEADLINES 060213

It is time once again for:

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
Headline courtesy of Jackie K. @ http://www.keepworkingthroughit.blogspot.com.au/
 


This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

 

One headline is completely made up.  Guess the fake and win a mention.

 

Burger King Employee Foils Robbery by Stealing Thieves' Getaway Car – Employee is now doing 1-5 for grand theft auto.

Iran hauls off Christian pastor, shuts down church in new sweep – Apparently that is OK in Iran, but Christians better not draw cartoons that offend a Muslim.

Man Sues Wife for their “Ugly Baby” – Come on Dude…they all look like that the first week!

DOJ Tells Employees to Verbally Affirm Homosexuality – How often? Daily, every hour? How about just removing “Under God” from the pledge and replacing it with “One nation, including gays, transgendered, cross-dressers, bi-sexual, foot-fetished, red-headed, bald, black, white, Native American, Indian, Muslim, satan worshipers, and heterosexuals, with liberty…”

Cuomo Flogs Weiner Ewww…I hope he didn’t text that!

Woman to have ‘dolphin-assisted’ birth – Pant, Pant, ekk-ekk-ekk, Pant, Pant ekk-ekk-ekk.

Survey: Marriage counselors' success rate is 50% - Hmmm…kinda the same as the divorce rate.

'Poop transplants': How well do they really work? – And why?  Who doesn’t have enough of their own poop?

Dog Working as Canine Ambassador at Upscale Hotel – Well…not THAT upscale.

8-Year-Old Suspended Over Gun-Shaped Pop-Tart – I could understand the suspension for having a pop-tart, but the gun thing…?

Brain capable of making its own version of Valium – If I think really hard, can I get my brain to make its own version of Scotch?

Medical marijuana for your pet? – No seriously Dood, it’s for my dog, like he like barks and shits and shit, really dood, it ain’t for me…

Burger King creates hands free Whopper holder – For those times where you just have to eat but need your hands for something else!



Idiots try to eat dinner on iceberg, get blown out to sea – Idiot diners blame “Climate Change.”
 
 

 

Last week’s fake headline was:

Scientist receives $100,000 Government Grant to determine if chicken or egg came first – Next will be a grant to determine why that chicken crossed the road.

The following bloggers successfully guessed the fake headline:

TexWisGirl @ http://run-a-roundranch.blogspot.com/ She guesses it every week, I may have to disallow her entries.  In the meantime check out her great photos…especially if you love ducks.

Stephen @ http://chubbychatterbox.com/ guessed correctly as he knew the Government would never pay for anything with any substance at all…Dang Liberal!  Go read his stuff anyway; his stories are some of the best in the blog world!!

Val @ http://unbaggingthecats.blogspot.com/ Guessed correctly figuring that $100,000 was way too little for a Government study.  Do not read Val’s posts if laughing makes your side hurt.

Leenie @ http://bonkersycarax.blogspot.com/ copied Val, but check out her posts anyway…very nice Photos

Marcy @ http://www.tootimidandsqueamish.com/ also guessed the French Tax thing, so she is disqualified for making two guesses and will not get a mention.  That is too bad, because she is what is sometimes called “A piece of work” and her posts are a good read.  Sadly, do not visit Marcy @ http://www.tootimidandsqueamish.com/ .  Sorry, but rules are rules.

Fran @ http://fishducky.blogspot.com/ was too busy arguing her previous weeks disqualification to venture a guess, so Fran @ http://fishducky.blogspot.com/ will not get  a mention…do not read Fran’s very funny posts @ http://fishducky.blogspot.com/  

11 comments:

  1. Poop transplants? I guess they're for bulemics who just don't have it in them to work up a pill on their own?

    S

    Oh, and I think you're joshing with this one.

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  2. gosh, i'm gonna have to go with the poop transplants - at least i hope that's fake!

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  3. Strange as our world is, I think they're ALL true!!

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  4. Heh, heh! Your dolphin birth assistance comment tickled my funny bone.

    Don't disqualify me, but I devoted a whole post to one of these stories. So I smugly acknowledge that I have narrowed my chances to 1 out of 13. Still...I am torn between the Ugly Baby, DOJ's Verbal Affirmations, and Marriage Counselors.

    I'm going with DOJ's Affirmations as fake. Mainly because government entities set themselves up for ridicule on a regular basis.

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  5. I am too weak from laughing to even guess much less deduce which one is fake. And furthermore....I don't care. Let someone else win the prizes. Just please keep on doing what you are doing, Joe, my dear. You never cease to brighten my life......well, maybe once in a while not so much, but mostly. Thanks!

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  6. Still trying to wash, "Cuomo Flogs Weiner" out of my too-visual mind. It may be a permanent stain. Thanks for NOTHING, Cranky.

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  7. Oddly enough, I came across about half of these on my own travels around teh interwebs. I won't give the game away by saying which ones, but at least it narrows my own choices by half. I'll go with the very first one, about the Burger King employee foiling a robbery. I hope I'm wrong. That would be SO awesome!

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  8. OMG all of those sound totally TRUE. I know the Burger King whopper holder is real cos I saw a picture of it! (Unless it was photoshopped).
    Love the marriage counsellor one.

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  9. Um... ah... I'm crap at this! Crap... poo.. the poop one? No, let's see. Marriage counsellors, please.

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  10. The marriage counsellor one, there's no way their success rate is that high ;P

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