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Thursday, May 2, 2013

THE WORST DRIVERS EVER


THE WORST DRIVERS EVER
 
Mrs. Cranky does most of the driving in our relationship.  Mrs. Cranky is one-half Italian.  When Mrs. Cranky is behind the wheel, she becomes one-hundred percent Italian.  She is full of attitude.   She goes from a mild mannered, meek, and non-confrontational sweet lady to Tony Soprano.   When Mrs. Cranky is behind the wheel everyone is an asshole.  When the other driver is behind the wheel of a BMW, Mrs. Cranky is always right.

What makes every driver of every BMW think he is king of the friggin road? 

Is it because they can afford a $35,000+ car?  I don’t think so, as there are plenty of more expensive car on the road with non-asshole drivers behind their expensive wheels.

Is it because BMW’s are just sooo powerful and maneuverable that they naturally bring out the NASCAR racer from the owners?  I’ve seen faster cars driven slower.

When a car roars by me at 20 mph over the speed limit it is always a BMW.  When a car weaves in and out of traffic on the turnpike, it is always a BMW.  When a car cuts you off, won’t let you merge, tailgates, or refuses to hit its dimmer at night it is always a BMW.

A BMW owner does not own a BMW, he owns a “BEEMER.”  That makes him a Pompous Asshole! 

Got a lot of money, but not enough to buy a real luxury car?  Buy a BEEMER.  Got a lot of money, but not enough to buy a real high performance car?  Buy a BEEMER.  Got a BEEMER and need get the attention of the rest of the world?  Drive like an asshole.

“Damn that car is fast; damn you can cut people off on a dime.  What kind of car is that; a BMW?”

I’m impressed!

“ASSHOLE!!”*

 

*BMW owners who are readers of “Cranky Old Man” are naturally exempt from the above opinion.

 

19 comments:

  1. Haha! This is all very true. My bro and I have a running joke....whenever one of us wants to buy a new car we ask the other, "Have I become a big enough asshole yet to buy a BMW?" So far the answer has been no. I hope it always stays that way.

    S

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  2. Mrs. Cranky sounds like me behind the wheel :) lol.... Funny post... I'm going to pay more attention to that statistic and report back. :)

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  3. Mrs. Chatterbox drives a BMW. She does most of the driving in our family and I can't take issue with anything you say.

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  4. ha ha ha I loved this post.. I must forward this link to an uncle of mine who is a BMW fan!!

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  5. As a non-BMW driver with a lot of "stick time" on the New Jersey Turnpike, I can vouch for Joe's observations. Your average NJ Beemer driver seems completely insane. Completely. (Though my "stick time" on the Garden State Parkway is nowhere near as high as for the Turnpike, the insane Beemer drivers are there too. In force.)

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  6. Hey! I have a BMW (bought used, btw), and drive like a granny. Promise! Funny post, though. :)

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  7. I pulled into a used car lot and went directly to a five year old BMW sport utility van with my name on it. Deep blue. Beautiful. 95,000 miles. Impeccable CarFax. $13,500, but I knew I could get it down. What's the MPG? 17. I sputtered. For 17 MPG I had to walk.

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  8. they've been the yuppie car of choice for a good many years, i think.

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  9. You re confirm all I said in my blog - thanks for agreeing

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  10. I ALMOST prefer BMW drivers to my "Everybody except me on the road is an idiot (driving slower than him) or a maniac (driving faster than him)" driver of a Chrysler yacht!!

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  11. That should have read "husband" driver of a Chrysler yacht!!

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  12. A fine, funny post and full of truth I am sure. But don't get me started on the subject of cars.....first, all drivers except mine are insane, arrogant bastards, and secondly.....hell, a car is just something with wheels to get you from here to there.....why should most of them cost more than my house did? The world is mad I tell you.......

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  13. When I get behind the wheel of my car all of the other drivers become a$$hole$.
    Otherwise only about a third of them are a$$hole$.
    I'm not any part Italian.

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  14. There is only one other car manufaturer that seems to cater to Assholes. It is another foreign car and their drivers seem to be the highest level of pompous, ignorance infested, arrogant and idiotic assholes on the road en force. At least the ones in my part of the world are. Your mileage may vary.

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  15. A comment from my Brother,

    "Do you know the difference between a cactus and a BMW?

    With a cactus all the pricks are on the outside."

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  16. In rural America, jacked-up 4WD pickup trucks are the new BEEMERS.

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  17. All my friends that had BMW cars got rid of them. Cost to much to repair them. You can make a car payment with the cost of regular service (i.e. oil change, etc.).

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  18. There's a reason it's the midlife crisis car of choice!

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