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Sunday, April 28, 2013

STUPID HEADLINES 042813


STUPID HEADLINES 042813

It is time once again for:

 

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments
Well, fewer live deer.

 

I am a comment whore so I am continuing with a new wrinkle to Stupid Headlines:

Guess the phony headline

One headline is completely made up. Anyone who correctly guesses the phony headline will get a mention in next Sunday’s post.*

 

 

72,000 Ladybugs Released in Mall – Riot occurs in battle over little tiny pocketbook sale.

Bride Wears Dress Made From 10,000 Bread Tags Only to find it wouldn’t fit because she gained 46 pounds.

EXCLUSIVE: Ellen DeGeneres And Manager Eric Gold Part After She Tried To Cap Him – Isn’t trying to “Cap” someone like…um…ATTEMPTED MURDER!!

Iran condemns the Boston bombing, with a caveat – “Iran condemns the horrific terrorist act in Boston and we pray for all the victims…except of course any Jews.

Ben Affleck plans to live on $1.50 per day for at least one day – OMG, one whole day!

Ben Affleck preps for colonoscopy – “I have to fast for one whole day!” (ok, this one doesn’t count.)

New Jersey teacher fired for allegedly urinating in classroom – “Is that wrong?  No one ever said anything about peeing in the classroom.  I wouldn’t have done it if I knew it was wrong.”  Teacher takes the Constanza defense.


Ex-MF Global CEO Corzine Sued by TrusteeIf they make a movie about our ex-governor, I am available.
 
 

         Ex-Governor Corzine                                                                                Cranky and Melissa

 

 

Ford recalls first Model T’s produced in 1908 – Apparently a design flaw causes a running board malfunction after 105 years.

The World's Greatest Tree Planter to Plant a Second Whole Forest – Only two forests?  That is the World’s greatest tree grower? Can we have a recount?

New $100 bill to enter circulation in October – Unfortunately I don’t travel in those circles.

Kansas woman greeted by circus tiger in bathroom – Come on lady, read the signs on the doors…BOYS/Girls/Girowls

Aggressive Girls Put Teenage Boy In Embarrassing State – Boy manages to escape from Arkansas. (Oh relax Arkansasians it’s a joke…Lou, you too Carolyn and Melissa!)

Foot-Long Elephant Bird Egg Sells for More Than $100,000 at Auction – Now the buyer is looking for a twenty pound slab of Elephant bacon.

Samurai sword-wielding Mormon bishop comes to aid of woman being attacked – Sometimes those samurai sword-wielding Mormon bishops are good to have around.

Don't Relax TV Indecency Standards, Viewers Urge the FCC Cause if we see a little titty that shit will fuck us up.



 

*Last week’s winners who correctly identified the phony headline:

Ants have Aunts…scientists confirm – So do monkeys have uncles?




Non-blogger winners:

Mrs. Cranky

Step-Crank Cassie

The rest of you guessers should be ashamed of yourselves!

Ants have Aunts…DUH!

10 comments:

  1. I'm going for the Model T as fake this week. Though I was sorely tempted by the bread tag dress, because how can she wear it if it doesn't fit?

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  2. I think it's the Model T Ford, but what do I know?

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  3. well, glad i was right last week, cuz this week i'm not sure. :)i'll take the mormon bishop.

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  4. My votes with the Lady bugs this week

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  5. Haven't a clue again and don't care....I am not competitive. Besides, how can one pick the impossible out of the improbables.

    Hell,, I can't even come up sith a favorite. I just love Stupid Headlines.

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  6. I don't think Ben Affleck is prepping for a colonoscopy.

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  7. Haha, thanks for the laughs! Circus tiger. Although I'm enjoying the The Hangover flashback.

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  8. Is the odd one out Ford recalls first Model T’s produced in 1908?

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  9. IDK this is a hard one I have caught quite a few of those headliners this week. :) Because one of my braniac kids who graduated from public school recently asked, "Did they even make cars back then?" I am going with the 1908 Ford!

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  10. Okay, well first of all... I don't see why ants can't have aunts. Maybe I've got the pregnancy brain going on here, or I got an F in science when we studied the reproduction of ants. Either way, why can't ants have aunts? they have brothers and sisters, don't they? moms and dads? No aunts or uncles? Does the queen aunt not have a sister? Okay wait...maybe that's the answer. There is only one queen. The two who made her must have died. So she has no siblings. No siblings means no aunts for her offspring. Okay ...call me slow.

    So my guess this week: The model T -- that just sounds....very odd. I think that's the made-up headline.

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