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Sunday, April 21, 2013

STUPID HEADLINES 042113


STUPID HEADLINES 042113

It is time once again for:

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments
I hate when that happens!*
OK, I am a comment whore so I am adding a new wrinkle to Stupid Headlines:

Guess the phony headline

One headline is completely made up.  Anyone who correctly guesses the phony headline will get a mention in next Sunday’s post.

My Pet is Sneezing and Snorting. What's Going On? – First, check your stash of coke.

No Children for Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi – After several months of trying, the lesbian couple decided to give up, “I don’t know” Ellen said, “something’s missing!”

Ants have Aunts…scientists confirm – So do monkeys have uncles?

Boat filled with protected species hits coral reef – If that’s not bad enough some of the sailors were smoking!

Michigan judge holds self in contempt, pays $25 fine after his smartphone disrupts hearing – Judge threw out his own sentence on appeal.

Can Evolution Beat Climate Change?Vegas has it 2 to 1 in favor of Climate Change.

 Paris Jackson Calls Michael an 'Incredible Father' – Yes, and John Wayne Gacy was an incredible clown!

Elephant dung beer sells out almost immediately – Well, the elephants eat only the finest hops and barley  so…
Gold Crushed in Historic RoutTax Hikes beats Gold, is set to play the winner of Evolution vs. Climate Change.

Dead whale draws crowds to Puget Sound beachApparently there is not much entertainment on the Puget Sound beach.

The gourmet-cupcake market is crashing – I would have been rich, except my idiot broker sold “cupcake shortening” when I told him to sell “cupcakes short!”**

McDonald's Pushing Employees To Be Cheerier Cheerier than what?

Customer pulls out gun after Walmart employee refuses coupon – Why would you need a coupon if you have a gun?
* Courtesy of Uncle Skip http://lionskip.blogspot.com/ 
Readers are encouraged to submit Stupid Headlines...Thx Uncle Skip

**Cranky Old Man apologizes for all bad puns…it’s the Tourette’s  

10 comments:

  1. So do you start out drinking elephant dung beer, or is it what they start slipping you after you've had about 6 of the good ones?

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  2. for the fake, i'll take 'ants have aunts'.

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  3. Every single one sounds plausible to me. May the DeGeneres one was taken a little out of context?

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  4. I think it's the Michael Jackson one!

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  5. I am not going to compete in your contest,,,,, I haven't a clue and besides, you have given me enough public homage already and I do not want to deprive some other worthy soul of your accolades.

    However, as to which one is my favorite...hell.....I cannot decide.....I adore the article, but I think I am most partial to the gold item and the cupcakes, mostly because your own remarks tickled the hell out of me (no, no, not like the lady in the buzzing panties....)

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  6. Hmm, I'm going tomsay the one about ant aunts is fake.

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  7. I'm just guessing, but I think the sneezing pets is made up.

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  8. I'm going with Ants Have Aunts as the fake. Though I was tempted by the Elephant Dung Beer.

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  9. I bet they're all true. I know cupcakes are going out like Vampires went out and Zombies are going. Things come and go so fast. I'm still trying to learn the Harlem Shake.

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  10. my guess...is that it's the Ellen D. headline --

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