Should We Just Make Smoking Illegal?
A post for Cranky Opinion Saturday
President Obama a smoker
President Obama just recommended a 97 cent per pack tax on cigarettes. The money would fund a pre-kindergarten program. Many families cannot afford pre-school for their children. I guess that is bad. My oldest brother graduated from Duke University with a degree in Physics, and retired from the USN as a Captain. My other brother graduated from Harvard Law and recently retired as a Federal Magistrate Judge. Neither of my brothers went to Pre-K, there is no telling how successful they might have been if they had. I never went to Pre-K. I graduated from Lafayette College and became…ok I might not be a good example.
Ronald Reagan a Smoker
Wait, the value of Pre-K is not today’s Cranky Saturday Opinion; the question is, is a higher cigarette tax a good idea?
Experts tell us every time there is a new tax on cigarettes people quit smoking, so it is for the good of society because smoking costs billions in health care.
FDR, JFK, Clinton, Ford...all smokers
Here comes my Cranky opinion
Look, if smoking is so expensive and damaging, and it is, don’t tax it, just make it illegal. No one likes smokers anyway, so who cares. We will be doing these environment polluting, uncaring, ignorant bastards a favor. Just plow under the tobacco fields, stop importation at the borders, and put anyone caught smoking in jail! Then take all that money we will save in health benefits and fund your pre-k program and end the national debt all in one fell swoop.
LBJ a smoker
Actually here is my real opinion
The only problem I see with this plan is who are we left with in this country to hate? It is politically incorrect to hate anyone in this country. We can’t hate Jews. We can’t hate people of color. We can’t hate Catholics (well we can a little) and we certainly can’t hate gay people. A country needs to hate someone so everyone else can feel really good about themselves. Hell we can’t even hate Muslims. We need smokers. We need someone to hate.
If smoking was illegal we could no longer take our hands and wave away that second-hand smoke and yell, “Ooh a smoker!” I would miss that. It always makes me feel very superior.
Churchhill, a smoker
If smoking were illegal we could no longer stop those dirty people and explain to them childlike that the habit is bad for their health.
“Do you know that smoking is very bad for you? You really should quit.” I’d miss telling those dirty, selfish people that. It makes me feel really special.
After forty years of being a dirty, filthy, inconsiderate bastard, I quit smoking two years ago. If smoking were illegal it would not affect me, except that after all those years I finally have a group that I can hate…don’t take that away from me!
Einstein a smoker
Here comes my solution
Tax the bastards. Tax them just enough to make it painful but not enough to lose government revenues. Make smokers wear a big red S on an arm band in order to buy their filthy product; that way closet smokers won’t get away without the public denigration that these horrible people deserve. Keep smoking legal, make it painful, but don’t take away the only group in this country I am still able to hate. I need my hate fix. Sometimes I need to hate twenty times a day.
I have a pack of hate a day habit.
The preceding opinion was that of a cranky old man and not necessarily that of management, Mrs. Cranky.