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Sunday, March 31, 2013

STUPID HEADLINES 033113


STUPID HEADLINES 033113

It is time once again for:

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments
 
(Headline courtesy of Ivan Toblog http://wellohyeah.blogspot.com/ ) 
I hate when that happens!
 

For repo men, economic recovery is a blow to business – The very definition of the glass half-empty.

Guns and ammo sales spark jobs boom – And the glass is half full.

Bill Gates offering up to $1 million for 'next-generation' condom – The very definition of RICH!  I suggest they do not name it the “Microsoft Condom.”

Vial of virus that can cause hemorrhagic fever missing from Texas lab – I would be on the lookout for anyone sweating blood.

Biden taking third vacation of 2013Hey, groveling for political contrabutions is hard work!

 
Poor Carpenter Builds An Incredible Treehouse In The Wilds Of Canada – Imagine how incredible it would have been if he was a good carpenter!
Egyptian mosque turned into house of torture for Christians after Muslim Brotherhood protest – Going to hop on my soapbox for this one…Christians have stopped with the cartoons, and apologized for mishandling of the Koran, they have bent over backwards trying to respect the rights of Muslims…will one friggin Muslim please stand up and say they are against decapitations and beatings of Christians and don’t really want to wipe Israel off the face of the Earth and kill anyone who does not bow to Mecca sixteen times a day, or am I just being insensitive?

Egypt: Prominent blogger charged with instigating violence hands himself in – In the words of Rosanna Rosannadanna “Never mind.”

Hunters threaten to boycott Colorado after passage of recent gun laws – Sportsmen are deciding to take their sub-machine guns to slaughter elk in other western states rather than kill them in Colorado with legal rifles which have to reload after 14 shots.

Authorities find $4 million worth of marijuana on California beach – I once lost a dime bag, but this is ridiculous.

Oral drops may be an effective treatment for allergy, asthma sufferers – I’m not sure that asthma is much worse than being repeatedly dropped on your mouth.

90-year-old accused of punching state trooper in Pennsylvania – Not so surprising, 90 is the new 80.

Rep. Young says he meant 'no disrespect' by using term 'wetbacks' – “I have been accused of being niggardly in voting for new taxes, and of jewing down other members, but I certainly meant no disrespect in my use of the term ‘wetback.’ I take great offence to people who make those charges, most of whom are towelheads, dotheads and Orientals…oh yeah, and kikes…and micks…and wops…and pollocks…and spearchuckers.  I have nothing but respect for those sombrero wearing funny talking fence jumping people south of the border…you know…wetbacks.”

No link between 'too many vaccines' and autism risk – Except that autism and many allergies common in children today were rare when babies were not given multiple vaccines before they were six months old. 

Kate Upton breaks geeky high schooler's heart, won't attend his prom – She also hangs up on you if you breathe really heavy into the phone…BITCH!
 
Scientists Use Tiny Robots to Understand Ants The hard part is getting the ant to lie on the couch and answer the robots questions.

Judge rejects divorce for transgender pregnant man There is just no telling how many thousands of transgender pregnant men this decision will affect!

Disabled man gets $8,000 after being stuck on Disney's 'Small World' ride for hours - $8000? OMG, that won’t come near covering the therapy he is going to need to get that friggin song out of his head!


HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE







10 comments:

  1. First, kudos on your Muslim rant.

    Second, I would have paid Disney $8,000 for a solid 4-day pass on that ride. It was the only air-conditioned place I could find in Disney World in August. Why did they put that damn thing in Florida in the first place?

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  2. lots of good ones here. think my favorite was the 'good carpenter'. :)

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  3. Was that YOUR dime bag of marihuana I found? Happy Easter.

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  4. @Lowandslow - land was cheap back in the sixties

    Thank you, Joe, for the linkylove

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  5. HA! I liked the poor carpenter.

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  6. Yes, you've outdone yourself. (Not undone, you fool) and I'm with you on thinking the Muslims should just mellow out a little.

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  7. Three vacations in three months? Jeez, I got into the wrong industry, I think.

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  8. Highlight of the weekend - your stupid headlines and commentary!

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