NEW AND IMPROVED

This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

STUPID HEADLINES 031713


STUPID HEADLINES 031713
 It is time once again for:


STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

Obviously this should have read Dear with big rack.  Does anyone edit this stuff? 
 

Police find drugs inside Texas ice cream truckI’ll have a Ganja one stick please.

Delta jet gets stuck in grass off Houston runway(See above) Coincidence?  I think not.

Iran puts five Christians on trial for their faithFrom the people who chop off heads for drawing cartoons that they don’t like!

Feds Spend $1.5 million to Study Obese Lesbians – It is more expensive than you would think; first you have to stun them, and then put on the tracking collar.  It is not an easy process.

Saudi Arabia may stop beheadings over shortage of swordsmenNot enough Saudis are majoring in Head Chopping at school?

Jennifer Love Hewitt says her breasts should be insured for $5 million- Come on; you can get new even better ones for around $5000.

Has The MBA Become A Worthless Degree? Well compared to the NBA yeah.

University of Tennessee Uses Student Fees to Host Lesbian Bondage Expert “Sorry I missed class sir, I was kinda tied up.”

Image of Ahmadinejad consoling Chavez’s mother angers Iranian clerics Is there anything that does not anger Iranian Clerics?

GOP senator reverses gay-marriage stance after son comes out“And I repeat, the Bible says Adam and Eve, not Adam and Stev…what’s that son…you're what?...  As I was saying Marriage is a right that all people regardless of gender orientation should be…”.

Maryland father appeals son's controversial pastry 'gun' suspensionFather threatened the school board, “I have a pancake and I’m not afraid to use it!”

Lucas Duda homers in Mets' win over Braves – “New York Met fans sing this song ____, ____ Mets ain’t won a pennant in oh so long, oh the ____ day.”

Red Bull says blackmailers threatening feces in cansOh let them threaten, I don’t think “Feces in Cans” will ever be a big seller anyway.

Best Birth Control for Older Women Older men.


Wine exports surge ... from Florida and New Jersey?You might want to let the Jersey stuff breath for a year or two.


"I Used to be Stupid" is now available on Google Kindle and Barnes and Noble Nook!!

 
 

13 comments:

  1. So... are they gonna tell us that obesity causes lesbianism?

    ...or vice versa?

    It's the darn Feds who're stupid on this one, not the headline.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You made my Sunday morning. Laughs are a blessing, my friend!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Is there anything that does not anger Iranian Clerics? Watch your back, Cranky.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You're definitely on top of your game today, Cranky! On the subject of the cross-dressing deer, I know a few guys who had similar experiences when they undressed girls they picked up in at 2 AM in dark bars! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I've run out of superlatives for you today.........I'll just wipe away the tears and say "Thank you".

    But I have to admit that Duda really tickled me, but then, so did.......all the rest.
    Big hug on its way.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Don't you be dissing the Florida wineries now...I live just down the street from one. They make wonderful blueberry wine!

    However, the first two headlines (the ones making fun of Texas), are hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thanks for the chuckles. As always, your comments cracked me up more than the headlines.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I need this post every Sunday. Always cracks me up, always makes my day brighter. Thanks for the laughs, and please always keep 'em coming :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think I laughed for two minutes straight when I got to the "I've got a pancake and I'm not afraid to use it!" line!

    ReplyDelete
  10. "Red Bull says blackmailers threatening feces in cans"

    Have you tasted Red Bull? That might actually be an improvement.

    S

    ReplyDelete

I love comments, especially some of my commenters are funny as heck!

Oh, and don't be shy, Never miss a Cranky Post.

Sign up for an email of every post...over there...on your right...go on!