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Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I WOULD BE ONE LOUSY COP


I WOULD BE ONE LOUSY COP
 
I was watching the TV show “Cops” the other day and it became crystal clear to me that I would be a lousy cop.

I do not like or know how to shoot a gun, so that would be bad.  I am a confirmed chicken and do not like confrontation, so that would be bad.  I am not that fast a runner, so if there was a chase that would be bad.  I cannot wear a suit without getting it wrinkled or stained, my shoes never looked polished never mind spit shined, so that would be bad.  All these factors would make me a lousy cop, but the number one reason that was driven home to me while watching the show was I believe every perpetrator’s excuse.

In this particular episode, cops arrived at the scene of a shooting.  The alleged perpetrator was found with a pistol in his hand.  The pistol was smoking.  A man who was hit by a grazing shot to the leg was screaming and pointing at the perp, “That’s the guy!  He shot me.  Arrest him!”

The cops grab the man and disarm him.  They put him in cuffs, pat him down and find a bag of cocaine.  

“What’s this?”

“Man I ain’t never seen that before.  I don’t know nuthin.  I was walking down the street, I hear a gun shot and then this dude bumps into me and runs away.  Next thing I know he put this gun in my hand, and he must have dropped that bag of coke in my pocket.”

The victim steps in.

“Officer this guy was trying to take my watch, I resisted and he pulled a gun.  It went off and grazed my leg here.”

“Naw man, you crazy it was the guy…the guy what bumped into me.  He went that way, ran like a mother-whater!”

As the cops were throwing him into their patrol car and doing that Miranda thing I’m thinking, “Hey it could be.  Maybe someone else shot the guy and planted the coke and the smoking gun on this poor sap.  Why not?  The guy that was shot could be in shock and misinterpreted the events.  How can the police be sure he isn’t telling the truth?  Shouldn’t they run after and look for the guy who planted the gun on the perp?"

It’s probably a good thing I’m not a cop.

16 comments:

  1. I'm with you, Cranky! A complete sucker for tall sob stories!!

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  2. I always wanted to be a cop when I was younger. But I don't swear and I don't drink . . . I DO eat donuts, however.

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  3. Cranky, There's a bridge here in Portland I'd like to sell you. Please send your credit card number. On the reverse side, I tend to suspect everything I'm told. My propensity to do this has caused me a lot of problems over the years.

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  4. Snort! (oh.. bad choice of words)

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  5. I say book 'em all Dano and let the DA figure it out.

    S

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  6. I swear I didn't do it & I'll never do it again!! You believe me, don't you, Joe?

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  7. I think I'm more sceptical that you mate ... I would arrest them all.

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  8. laughing - yup, i always try to see both sides and i'd never get anywhere...

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  9. Ah yes, the Deny, Deny, Deny rule... because truly, as long as you never admit - there's always a shadow of a doubt. I'd be a lousy cop too!

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  10. You remind me a lot of a boss I had who believed every sob story employees created. I'm afraid I've grown a bit more cynical in my old age, I tend to doubt first... guilty until proven innocent. Sadly, I think I'm probably closer to the truth in most cases. Still, sometimes the most outlandish story can be completely true!

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  11. I'm with Lowandslow. Haul 'em all in for questioning. Then go home and put a shine on those shoes.

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  12. Obviously you made the right career choice by not going to the Police Academy.

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  13. It is the "youngest" brother syndrome!

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  14. I'd probably arrest both the perp and the man who was shot.
    And then go looking for the one who might have run away!

    Boy, I would make a hell of a cop!!

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