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Friday, March 15, 2013

DUDE I CAN DO THAT


DUDE I CAN DO THAT
 

There are certain things that every young man thinks he can do and do really well.  Experience should tell most people that if you haven’t tried something or if you only tried something a few times you will probably not be very good at it.   This fact of life is true for all but several areas.  There are some things that for some reason every dude under the age of 28 thinks they can do really well.

There is something manly or macho about these events that young men will never admit they cannot do them well.  All young dudes think they can:

Hold their liquor – You will never hear a twenty year old dude say, “Better water that down a bit, I can’t hold my liquor.” 

The truth is, most young men cannot hold their liquor and they don’t know how to drink.  The average college age kid cannot drink fast enough.  He is in a hurry to get loaded.  The result is they are sober and then the booze all kicks in at once.  These kids go from sober to bombed in a short time.  They experience black-outs and are capable of being incredibly stupid. 

Dude save yourself headaches and pain, do yourself a favor and admit, you don’t know how to drink!  When it comes to holding your liquor YOU SUCK!
 

 Shoot pool – This is a phenomenon for which I have no explanation.  Very few people can really shoot a good game of pool.  A real pool player can do things with a cue ball that are astonishing.  For some reason all young dudes think they can play this game, and a good player can act like he stinks and is really just lucky.  This is why pool is the ultimate hustle game for money.  Give the young shark a few drinks which he will not admit he cannot hold, put some money on the table and a real player will take a young buck for all his bucks.

Dude, you may know the rules, you may have won a few games of eightball, but as a real pool player, YOU SUCK!
  This man will take your money

 
Play poker – Like pool, poker is very complicated and difficult to master, yet is easy to play, can be macho in its nature and is a game that all young men think are really good at playing.  There are lots of people who take advantage of this fact and they never have to work.

Dude, you may think you can play poker, but as soon as real money hits the table you are going to became very unlucky.  Actually it is not luck; dude YOU SUCK!
The odds are this guy is going home with your money

Making Love – The young man has not yet been born who will admit that when it comes to sex they do not have a clue.  When it comes to sex it is not just young men, all men think they are experts in bed.

Dude, you thought you could hold your liquor and you ended up hugging the toilet bowl. 

Dude, you thought you could shoot pool and you lost your shirt.

Dude, you pushed all-in and you ended up all-out.

You suck at drinking, you suck at pool, you suck at poker; ten guesses at how good you probably are in bed.

That’s right; same as me…Freeking awesome!
 Picture removed ...(it wasn't pretty)

19 comments:

  1. i had a few black-outs in my youth - not good.

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  2. The best way to handle booze is to keep the plug in the jug

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  3. Funny thing is that these are truisms throughout the Centuries! Some things just never change!

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  4. I wasn't good at drinking either. One and a half beers and I was slurring my words with a fat tongue. Go figure, I can drink eight 12 oz cans/bottles today and still hold a healthy conversation.

    I used to tend bar at my mother's lounge. Tips were crap, but I sure did win a lot of money off the young fellers wanting to play me in a game of pool.

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  5. One thing you could do well and please the women--pee IN the toiled, and don't dribble on the floor. There, I said it.

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  6. Ooooh that last one -- LOL -- so true!

    You know, in some cultures, a young male is shown "the way" by an older, more experienced female the night before his wedding day, you know, so that he will perform well for his bride (or is that here in America? and they are called bachelor party strippers? Hmmm. I think I'm confused.))

    But anyways,...yeah, that last one.

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  7. For the last time Joanne...Stay out of my bathroom!!

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  8. Now I on the other hand had too much to drink in my teens and began to feel unwell. I said the famous 'Never again' and kept my promise.

    Pool? Too easy. I preferred snooker or billiards. As far as pool was concerned my favourite shot is to jump a ball over blocking balls, bounce off the cushion and pot the ball I need.

    Poker is all a matter of probability, calculation and a good memory. I used it to fund my education and could make thousands but I eventually found the game a little boring and gave it up.

    Making love I found to be all a matter of practice and reading the current erotic novels available to know what women fantasise about. As soon as you recognise this you have it made. Notice I'm not going to say I gave that one up.

    There is one thing you completely forgot in your list though. Every young man thinks he can tell a lie and be believed. They are completely wrong. This takes years of practice and I'm now an expert.

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  9. Ha! I learned to drink with the boys. If you wanted more than one beer, there was no ladylike sipping to be done. Slam it down and grab another before they are all gone.

    Sad day when a drank a date under the table 2-1, whipped him at pool- made an incredible shot that had the whole bar stunned (including me) and blacked out before the last part so I don't have a clue how good he was. Or wasn't.

    Great post Cranky! Some things never change.

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  10. Ha ha, I have to agree on all points. For a change. lol

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  11. It's been a long, long time since I drank more than I could hold...I remember saying the words "Stop the bed and get a bucket!" to my ex.

    Pool, poker? I admit I'm no good. But I'm not a dude.

    As far as the last one...a lady never tells.

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  12. I suck at pool....but I was a great drunk!

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  13. LOL! Aw, I've never met a guy who didn't improve in the sack after being told what to do. It's only the ones who don't listen who really suck.

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  14. One drunken young dude thought he was cute and special in a frat-guy celebrating his 21st birthday kind of way, and that he could pull the arm on my slot machine at Harrah's as he walked down the aisle behind my stool.

    Nobody pulls Val's crank twice.

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  15. The forgotten one - all dudes think they are the world's best driver. NOT TRUE, FELLAS!

    Love it, Cranky.

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  16. I am impressed that you know of our 'All Blacks'! We have 'All Whites' too. lol

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  17. Love these Joe - and not forgetting:

    All men can navigate better than women and they never get 'lost' - they just chose an alternative route!

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  18. So funny and so true, right down to the finish! Never met the guy who said "I'm not very good at this" :-)

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