Now Available- "I USED TO BE STUPID"

 

My second book "I USED TO BE STUPID" is now available at RoseDog Books

http://rosedogbooks-store.stores.yahoo.net/iustobest.html

 

Perfect for the bathroom!

 

 



 

Soon to be available at Amazon

 

Below is the Introduction and Table of Contents:

 

INTRODUCTION

W

hen I was only six years old, I looked back on my short life and

thought, a year ago I was finger painting and just learning the

alphabet; wow, I used to be stupid.

At eight years old I looked back and realized that at six I could barely even

read. Getting through “The Cat In The Hat” was a big deal; man, I used to

be stupid.

Ten years old, now I knew I was smart. Rock and roll was cool replacing sing

song kid’s music. Fractions were easy. I was going to go far. It is hard to believe

what a dumb kid I used to be. I believed in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and

the Tooth Fairy; no doubt, I used to be stupid. At least I was never as dumb

as the girls.

When I was thirteen I realized how far I had come. Girls were actually pretty

neat. I could stay up late, and I learned how to dress real cool. Gone was the

beezer haircut. My locks were slicked back in an ultra-hip duck tail. What a

goofy kid I used to be. I now knew it all. It was then that I realized I used to

be stupid.

Wrong again I surmised at sixteen. I now could talk to girls where at thirteen

I was a mess. I was now reading actual novels and doing real math. I would

become a famous athlete, be wealthy and the world would be mine. High

school was big time; what a jerk I used to be. It was at sixteen that I realized

my parents were almost as stupid as I used to be.

1

HagyJPagesRevisionA092512 9/25/2012 1:18 PM Page 1

Twenty years old I was a college student. There was sex, booze, parties, and

freedom to come and go as I pleased. High school kids are so immature. Yes,

I used to be stupid.

Married at twenty five, three children at thirty, what was I thinking at twenty?

Now I was an adult, working, parenting, and making real decisions. At thirty

I was smart and my parents were suddenly wise again; at twenty I used to be

stupid.

Forty six years old and what did I do with my life? I owned a house I could

not afford; I let the kids rule the roost and did not see that my wife was ready

to leave me. I guess experience was the greatest teacher. At last I had it all

together. I realized the mistakes that I made and now I was wise. I knew I

used to be stupid.

Now I am sixty four years old, looking back at a second bad marriage, bad

financial moves, mistakes made with my children, and missed opportunities in

my occupation; it has taken so long to finally become smart. Wisdom is so

hard to come by and in my wisdom I know that from forty six to sixty four, I

used to be stupid.

Have I really attained wisdom? It seems that as you grow older the period of

time during which looking back you realize that you used to be stupid, simply

grows longer. I suspect that if I live to be ninety I will look back at my current

life and think, wow, I used to be stupid.

Then again, I probably won’t remember.

Joe Hagy AKA “Cranky Old Man”

2

CONTENTS

Introduction...............................................................................................1

It Pays to Read...........................................................................................3

Cub Scouts and Gold Mining.....................................................................6

The Tooth Fairy .........................................................................................9

Driving on Ice..........................................................................................12

The New England Moth Champion of 1959 ...........................................15

White Suspenders.....................................................................................19

Cussing ....................................................................................................22

Study Hall................................................................................................25

Mike and Manny ......................................................................................28

TV Emasculation .....................................................................................31

The MGA ................................................................................................33

Nick Names .............................................................................................38

Recycling .................................................................................................41

The Name of the Game Is Football ..........................................................45

Ad I’d Like To See ...................................................................................47

Christmas Letters .....................................................................................49

Football ...................................................................................................52

Bruce Miller and the Shaving Cream War .................................................58

The Garden Hotline .................................................................................62

Fighting

     Martinize Him...................................................................................65

     Don’t Mess With the Jaker.................................................................68

     Celebrity Encounters .........................................................................71

Hitchhiking..............................................................................................75

What Does the Temperature Feel Like? ....................................................79

The USA Needs a King............................................................................82

College Graduation ..................................................................................85

HagyJPagesRevisionA092512 9/25/2012 1:18 PM Page ix

What I Learned in College .......................................................................88

Terrorism .................................................................................................90

Marriage ..................................................................................................93

The Grocery Store....................................................................................97

Wow, I Got a Color TV! ........................................................................100

It’s Behind the Mayo..............................................................................103

Cocktail Parties ......................................................................................106

Working Out..........................................................................................109

The Five Dollar Doctor..........................................................................113

Drimking ...............................................................................................116

Sleeping at the Wheel.............................................................................119

Pride Rock .............................................................................................122

Tongue Twister.......................................................................................125

Marijuana Will Make You Stupid............................................................126

Raising Kids ..........................................................................................130

Winter Holiday ......................................................................................133

Cranky ...................................................................................................136

The VW Bug .........................................................................................138

I Don’t Know Nuthin Bout Birthin no Babies........................................141

Commuting ...........................................................................................146

The Circle of Stupid ...............................................................................151

Eats........................................................................................................155

Home Improvement ..............................................................................158

Forty Years on Wall Street.......................................................................162

Divorce ..................................................................................................166

Finally Smart..........................................................................................169