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Thursday, January 24, 2013

Now Available- "I USED TO BE STUPID"


 
My second book "I USED TO BE STUPID" is now available at RoseDog Books
 
Perfect for the bathroom!
 
 

 
Soon to be available at Amazon
 
Below is the Introduction and Table of Contents:
 
INTRODUCTION


W


hen I was only six years old, I looked back on my short life and


thought, a year ago I was finger painting and just learning the

alphabet; wow, I used to be stupid.

At eight years old I looked back and realized that at six I could barely even

read. Getting through “The Cat In The Hat” was a big deal; man, I used to

be stupid.

Ten years old, now I knew I was smart. Rock and roll was cool replacing sing

song kid’s music. Fractions were easy. I was going to go far. It is hard to believe

what a dumb kid I used to be. I believed in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and

the Tooth Fairy; no doubt, I used to be stupid. At least I was never as dumb

as the girls.

When I was thirteen I realized how far I had come. Girls were actually pretty

neat. I could stay up late, and I learned how to dress real cool. Gone was the

beezer haircut. My locks were slicked back in an ultra-hip duck tail. What a

goofy kid I used to be. I now knew it all. It was then that I realized I used to

be stupid.

Wrong again I surmised at sixteen. I now could talk to girls where at thirteen

I was a mess. I was now reading actual novels and doing real math. I would

become a famous athlete, be wealthy and the world would be mine. High

school was big time; what a jerk I used to be. It was at sixteen that I realized

my parents were almost as stupid as I used to be.

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Twenty years old I was a college student. There was sex, booze, parties, and

freedom to come and go as I pleased. High school kids are so immature. Yes,

I used to be stupid.

Married at twenty five, three children at thirty, what was I thinking at twenty?

Now I was an adult, working, parenting, and making real decisions. At thirty

I was smart and my parents were suddenly wise again; at twenty I used to be

stupid.

Forty six years old and what did I do with my life? I owned a house I could

not afford; I let the kids rule the roost and did not see that my wife was ready

to leave me. I guess experience was the greatest teacher. At last I had it all

together. I realized the mistakes that I made and now I was wise. I knew I

used to be stupid.

Now I am sixty four years old, looking back at a second bad marriage, bad

financial moves, mistakes made with my children, and missed opportunities in

my occupation; it has taken so long to finally become smart. Wisdom is so

hard to come by and in my wisdom I know that from forty six to sixty four, I

used to be stupid.

Have I really attained wisdom? It seems that as you grow older the period of

time during which looking back you realize that you used to be stupid, simply

grows longer. I suspect that if I live to be ninety I will look back at my current

life and think, wow, I used to be stupid.

Then again, I probably won’t remember.

Joe Hagy AKA “Cranky Old Man”

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CONTENTS

Introduction...............................................................................................1

It Pays to Read...........................................................................................3

Cub Scouts and Gold Mining.....................................................................6

The Tooth Fairy .........................................................................................9

Driving on Ice..........................................................................................12

The New England Moth Champion of 1959 ...........................................15

White Suspenders.....................................................................................19

Cussing ....................................................................................................22

Study Hall................................................................................................25

Mike and Manny ......................................................................................28

TV Emasculation .....................................................................................31

The MGA ................................................................................................33

Nick Names .............................................................................................38

Recycling .................................................................................................41

The Name of the Game Is Football ..........................................................45

Ad I’d Like To See ...................................................................................47

Christmas Letters .....................................................................................49

Football ...................................................................................................52

Bruce Miller and the Shaving Cream War .................................................58

The Garden Hotline .................................................................................62

Fighting

     Martinize Him...................................................................................65

     Don’t Mess With the Jaker.................................................................68

     Celebrity Encounters .........................................................................71

Hitchhiking..............................................................................................75

What Does the Temperature Feel Like? ....................................................79

The USA Needs a King............................................................................82

College Graduation ..................................................................................85

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What I Learned in College .......................................................................88

Terrorism .................................................................................................90

Marriage ..................................................................................................93

The Grocery Store....................................................................................97

Wow, I Got a Color TV! ........................................................................100

It’s Behind the Mayo..............................................................................103

Cocktail Parties ......................................................................................106

Working Out..........................................................................................109

The Five Dollar Doctor..........................................................................113

Drimking ...............................................................................................116

Sleeping at the Wheel.............................................................................119

Pride Rock .............................................................................................122

Tongue Twister.......................................................................................125

Marijuana Will Make You Stupid............................................................126

Raising Kids ..........................................................................................130

Winter Holiday ......................................................................................133

Cranky ...................................................................................................136

The VW Bug .........................................................................................138

I Don’t Know Nuthin Bout Birthin no Babies........................................141

Commuting ...........................................................................................146

The Circle of Stupid ...............................................................................151

Eats........................................................................................................155

Home Improvement ..............................................................................158

Forty Years on Wall Street.......................................................................162

Divorce ..................................................................................................166

Finally Smart..........................................................................................169

2 comments:

  1. I'd love to order it, but I prefer shopping at Amazon. Will you let us know when it's available there?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I used to ordered books I never ended up reading. I used to be stupid, but maybe if I buy your book and read it I won't be stupid anymore.

    ReplyDelete

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