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Friday, January 11, 2013

ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS


ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS

It is a standard joke that men will never ask for directions.  No matter how lost, men will plod along forever till they run out of gas rather than ask for directions.  As with most running jokes or stereotypes, there is some justification for this myth.

But:

The truth is that men will ask for directions, they just will not ask for them as quickly as will women.  Women will suggest, “Pull over and ask for directions” at the drop of a hat.  The result is man can never be right regarding directions.  No matter the result of asking directions they will always be told, “Well it didn’t hurt to ask.”

If a man and his lady are in the car looking for a specific location, the woman will question the directions without any indication of being lost.

“I think we should pull over and ask for directions.”

“Why, we have the directions that Ralph gave us…so far they seem correct.”

“I don’t trust Ralph; remember how he gave us bad directions to the lake.”

“No, his directions were spot on.  You demanded we ask a pimply-faced teenager for directions when we were only a ½ mile from the lake.  He told us to turn around and sent us to the wrong lake.”

“Well Ralph never mentioned the McDonalds.  How can you not mention a landmark like that?  It made me think we missed a turn.”

“Landmark?  It was a fast food restaurant on route 130.  There is a fast food restaurant on every corner!”

“Not a McDonalds!  Those big golden arches…How do you not mention big golden arches?  Just pull over and ask someone.  Why are you afraid to ask?”

“Ok, ok I’ll pull into this Exxon station.  The dude with the turban and the strap-on beard looks like a local…

Excuse me sir, can you tell me is this the way to Calvert Place?”

“Catchochatch?”

“What?”

CATCHOCHATCH?…CATCH O CHATCH FOR GAS!!*

“No, I don’t need gas, just directions.”

“Catch?”

“No catch, no chatch, no gas…directions!”

“Direct?  Where you go?”

“Calvert Place.”

“I tell, one dollar.”

“One dollar?  That’s crazy.  One dollar for directions?”

“Oh give him the dollar; it will be worth it to not get lost.”

“Ok, here, one dollar, now do you know where Calvert Place is?”

“Yes…turn right at light on corner when you pull out of station.  You know, at the sign that says ‘Calvert Place’.”

“…Thanks… 

That’s just great, one dollar to point out Calvert Place twenty yards away.  Ralph’s directions were right again.”

“Well he should have said to look for an Exxon Station.  How do you not mention a big friggin tiger?  

And what did it hurt to just ask?”


*In New Jersey we do not pump our own gas.  "Catchochatch"  is gas station-attentant language for "Will that be cash or charge sir?"  Do not ask "What?" or you will be yelled at for being a stupid American who does not understand perfectly clear gas station-attendant language.

15 comments:

  1. I've developed a line that has worked just fine. Whenever I get lost I'll say, "Oh, I can get there from here, but I'm just wondering?...where does this road go? Let's find out." So far she hasn't caught on. ;)

    S

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  2. HA! Another fun post. My hubby has never had to ask for directions. I'm telling you, that man was born with a freaking GPS in his head. Me, on the other hand... let's just say I'm a tad (okay, a whole lot) directionally challenged. He used to amuse himself before we were married (you know, when gas was like 25 cents a gallon or less...) by driving to the middle of nowhere and then letting me "direct" him back home.

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  3. I used to have a GPS
    I even hated getting directions from it

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  4. My husband refuses to get a GPS. I think he's afraid that it will say, "I told you to turn left 4.3 miles ago, but do you ever listen?"

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  5. Catchochatch?!

    Holy hell, I'd have never figured that one out!

    Here in Minneapolis, we're still pumping our own gas. :-) We're tough like that.

    Pearl

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  6. TG for Tom Tom that I don't have to fall into bribery to get somewhere! :) Nah though very funny post. I do regret not taking bribes for directions though when I worked for 7-11. Shoot our county changed all the street names and for about two years neither Google or Mapquest recognized the new names. To think of the money I could have made from giving directions then! :)

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  7. Lol! In my experience men, rather than using a map to find a place, will suddenly become Jedis and decide youse the force.

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  8. My friend the insurance adjuster once stopped to ask a local for directions. "When you get to the upside down school bus, turn left. Keep going until you see the telephone pole that fell down. It goes in the door of the house you are looking for. They're burning it in their wood stove, a little at a time."

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  9. Now Val's directions in the comment above are the useful kind. What help are street names you either can't read at all or are so tiny you can only be sure of them as you're driving past the turn? No, you need landmark directions if you want to get somewhere easily.

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  10. Also a pet peeve: when people describe directions in compass turns. What's wrong with left or right? Once someone gave me directions telling me to turn south onto a highway and when I got there, the only options were east and west. How much do you want to bet I picked the wrong one and ended up in a very alarming neighbourhood instead of the business park I was trying to find?

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  11. I clearly have too much testosterone in my system. I am the one who refuses to ask for directions. I prefer to work it out on my own. My husband however WILL ask. Role reversal ...
    Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit

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  12. We have a system in our house. I navigate and Bearhands drives. Sure, we had to pull into a carpark in South Africa to shout at each other, but for the most part it works! :)

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  13. My husb is good with directions, the other day I chose to ignore his directions and use the sat nav, resulting in a journey twice as long as the directions husb gave. Next time I am listening to husband.

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  14. LOL! You know, my husband still refuses to buy a GPS. The street directory has stopped publication and he still asks when the next edition will be released.

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