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Friday, September 21, 2012

THE TROUBLE WITH NEW STUFF


THE TROUBLE WITH NEW STUFF
 

Mrs. Cranky and I recently got some new stuff.  I love new stuff.  New stuff is always clean and undented.  New stuff smells good.  New stuff works the way old stuff used to work. 

The trouble with new stuff is now you have to worry about keeping it clean, undented, smelling good and working right.

Last month we bought a new car.  It is Mrs. Cranky’s car.  I am not allowed to drive it because I will adjust the seat and Mrs. C. will never get it back to where she likes it.  As a matter of fact it has been a month and she still is not happy with the seat.

“I liked the old seat better!”

“The old seat had 175,000 miles on it and was ready to crap out with the rest of the car.”

“The engine makes a funny noise when I step on the gas.”

“It’s called acceleration.”

“The other car didn’t make such a noise.”

“The other car had 28 cylinders and got 3 miles per gallon.”

“You’re a jerk!”

I go to sit in Mrs. C’s new car and there is a towel on the seat.  It was a grungy looking towel at that.  I moved the towel.

“Don’t move that, you need to sit on that to keep the seat clean.”

“What?  So to keep the seat clean I have to sit on a dirty towel that covers the seat and no one can even tell that the seat is clean?”

“I’ll know; oh and you’re a jerk!”

We just redid our kitchen.  The counters and sink are Corian.  We bought Corian as it is supposed to be durable and easy to maintain.

Mrs. Cranky is convinced that if water is left on the counter the minerals in the water will leach into the Corian and leave a stain.  I have to wipe down the counters if I even think about using them.  And then there is the sink.  Will water stain the sink?  Did I just have a sink installed that I cannot get wet?

I know…I’m a jerk.

Now Mrs. C. bought a rubber mat for the bottom of the sink.

“I don’t want to scratch the new sink.”

“But the rubber mat looks worse than a scratched sink.  And it blocks the drain so I can’t use the new disposal without moving the stupid mat which is a pain in the ass.”

“I don’t want to scratch the new sink.”

“Plus the mat smells like dog shit!”

“You’re a jerk!”

So we have a new car with an uncomfortable seat that makes a funny noise when you accelerate and needs an ugly towel to protect the uncomfortable seat; and we have a new kitchen counter that can’t get wet and a sink that needs to be protected by an ugly rubber mat that smells like dog shit.

That is the trouble with new stuff.

“You’re a jerk.”

And yet I still love her. 

17 comments:

  1. And when she says "you're a jerk" she's really saying I love you jerk. At least that's the way it works here at Casa de Cuckoo.

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  2. Please don't tell me Mrs. C is one of those people who buys a new couch and then covers it in plastic...

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  3. Please don't tell Mrs C, but I am with you on this. I don't want her to think I am a jerk too, but new stuff is meant to be used....then it gets to be old stuff and you get to go out and get more new stuff. I do agree with her that a new car seat is hard to get used to.

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  4. Tell Mrs. C that unless she uses the new stuff it won't get old and worn. And if it doesn't get old and worn you won't have to buy more new stuff. And if you don't continue to buy new stuff our economy will collapse, and civilization as we know it will come to an end.

    Does she REALLY want to be responsible for all that??

    S

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  5. When you tell her that you still love her, does she also say, "You're a jerk"?

    PS--Great question, Lowandslow!

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  6. I don't know about Corian, but my wife says the same thing about our granite counters. I tell her that granite is forged in volcanoes under tremendous heat and can withstand a drop or two of moisture without staining, but so far i haven't convinced her.

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  7. This time I completely agree with YOU Cranky. This worries me immensely.

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  8. The sink will get scratched, then the mat can go and life will be normal. You just have to arrange it if you don't want to take the heat. At our house my daughter crammed a too large pot into the sink and voila, it was scratched. Now we just have to keep it clean and empty the drain strainer. Life is good.

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  9. I wonder if Mrs C and my wife are sisters :^0

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  10. once the first stain, dent, or anything else happens.. you can relax... but until then, enjoy the new stress in your life... :)

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  11. I am laughing so hard, this is good stuff.

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  12. You are such a blast Cranky.
    This is so true and so funny

    Lou :-)

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  13. You're not just "jerk"ing us around now, are you? Funny stuff.

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  14. You know that 'jerk' really stands for Just Educated and Really Knowledgeable, right?

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  15. We had an aunt who had a beautiful, expensive new couch so she covered it in clear plastic to keep it looking new, and then because it was so uncomfortable, put an old car rug over the top. She never did understand that this was defeating the purpose of a new couch! Apparently the new couch went beautifully with the room, but I only ever saw the ugly rug on the top.

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  16. LOL - thanks for this - just what I needed to read on a Friday afternoon waiting for home time to arrive !!!!
    Try to enjoy the car and the new kitchen and not think about the ugly towel or the stinky mat !!
    Have the best weekend !
    Me

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  17. LOL! Thanks for the Friday night chuckle!
    My aunty in Indonesia have these fancy, huge couches to go with her mansion. I go and visit her every couple of years and to this day she keeps plastic sheets over them.
    I just don't get it...

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