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Sunday, March 25, 2012

HEADLINES 032512

HEADLINES 032512
Sunday is time for Cranky's Headlines and stupid sophmoric comments:

Former Mr. Universe turns 100 in India – That’s 28 in steroid years

Florida atheists ‘unbless’ highway with ‘unholy water’ – So Atheists believe “Ugga­­­­­­ Booga” will trump “Abbra Cadabra?”  

Filmmaker behind Kony video held for public masturbation – So the guy who is fucking an entire country is free and the guy who documented it is jailed for jerking off?

New Hampshire woman faces legal action, fines for planting flowers at condominiumNew Hampshire is determined to end the flower planting scourge.

University: Classes No Longer Cancelled For Christian, Jewish Holidays- President declares the move was made to make up for school closings on Ramadan and International Atheists Day

President Obama uses sign language during impromptu greeting with student – Big deal; I use sign language all the time while driving.  It is how I communicate to other drivers that they might be annoying me with their driving ability.

How To Use Natural Birth Control – Don’t bathe; don’t shave legs or armpits, wear pantyhose.  (Some or all of these techniques may have adverse results in mid-east countries.)   

How NASCAR is coping with its slipping audience – Organization has decided to clean up oil spills and stop selling bananas.

USGS confirms micro-quake in Wisconsin city plagued by mysterious booming sounds – Wisconsin children are urged to not pull Grandpa’s finger!

Pat Robertson believes Peyton Manning should get hurt this year – In Tebow’s name we prey.   How very Christian!

Minnesota Teen: No Prom Date with Porn Star – Teen says, “I wasn’t planning on dancing anyway!”

Fla. man wins nat'l memory contest held in NYC Man failed to claim his trophy says, “I forgot.”
Australian rescued after three-day croc ordeal – Aussie stated, “These shoes are as uncomfortable as they are ugly!”

I have removed comment verification, so talk to me - Cranky 
 

1 comment:

  1. HA!! I had to read the croc ordeal twice! Too funny! My local paper had a headline, "The Horrifying Noble Beauty of Parenting." I smiled as I contemplated how the Cranky Old Man would handle it :)

    ReplyDelete

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