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Sunday, March 4, 2012

HEADLINES 030412

HEADLINES 030412


Sunday is time again for Cranky’s weekly review of stupid headlines and my even stupider sophomoric and sometimes insensitive comments.  This week a WHOOP-TEE-DOO will be awarded to the person who submits the best headline comment improvement as judged by….me.

Costa Cruises liner adrift after fire on boardWhy would one lousy board being on fire set a great big liner adrift?

Mary Jo Buttafuoco remarries in Las Vegas – I’m guessing this was not a shotgun wedding. (GIYP)

Vermont woman asks judge to ban Town Meeting prayerIf this is a big problem in Vermont, I just gotta move there.  We have real problems in New Jersey!

Second Birth Control Pill Recall in MonthBig deal, they sell millions and millions, and only 2 frickin pills are defective.  Why is this news?

Gay Marine’s homecoming kiss goes viralMy mom would have thought that this meant a happy Marine’s kissing started rampant mononucleosis!

Hank Haney: Tiger Woods considered leaving golf to become a Navy SEALHe backed off when he found Seals do not earn 75 MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR!!

Santorum Focuses on Reaching Out to Women“It worked for Bill Clinton it could work for me!”

Grandmother, 55, to Audition for Dallas Cowboys CheerleadersHey…I’m old, I’m not dead.  I like younger women!!

Air Force Shelves $3B Worth of Brand New DronesWait till Darryl of “Storage Wars” bids on this one.  That’s the real WOW factor!

Medical Journal Advocates Killing Newborns – Journal states it is “simply preventative medicine.  Once killed, these kids never get sick!”

Son won't evict 98-year-old mom from Connecticut homeWhen his lawyer advised eviction would take over six months the thoughtful son decided, “I can wait.”

Students protest valedictorian's deportation order Immigration officials assert deportation of honor student who hoped to attend Harvard and become a heart surgeon is necessary in order to make room for drug dealers and murderers entering the country illegally every day.
Unnecessary cancer treatment in men on the riseStudy finds elimination of Viagra solves the problem more effectively than cancer treatment!

The folloeing is a shameless plug for my Best Selling Author cousin- Elenor Herman:
BUY her latest book "King Peggy"   http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=Elenore+Herman&x=11&y=19



 

1 comment:

  1. As always, great headlines!! I don't have anything witty to add (I'm one of those people who will come up with the quick retort ten minutes late...) but if I do, I'll be back!!

    PS you know you aren't THAT insensitive. I know that there were some easy to comment-on tornado headlines you didn't touch :) But newborn killing you went for!

    ReplyDelete

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