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Sunday, February 5, 2012

HEADLINES 020512

HEADLINES 020512

It’s late Sunday, the Super Bowl is over, the Giants won as predicted by Cranky Old Man, now it is time for this week’s stupid headlines and Cranky’s even stupider comments:

Texas teenagers arrested after allegedly shooting women with darts in Walmart parking lotTexas has strict rules against shooting darts in parking lots.

TSA agents reportedly wait 6 hours before alerting cops about potential bomb – They took their time because they thought it was a TIME BOMB! Sorry, it’s the Tourette’s

Muslims, Atheists Pressure Military to Remove Christian SpeakerCiting “Religious freedom and pluralism” Muslims and Atheists demand Christian not speak.  Wha Wha What!!

Occupiers Dump Condoms on Catholic School GirlsOccupy Wall Street spokesperson wonders, “Why don’t we get more credibility, we have so much class?”  Cranky says, “Oh yeah, Catholic school girls, now that is what’s wrong with our country.”

Obama says his policies are extension of his faith ACLU objects citing a conflict between church and state.

Ron Paul supporter files lawsuit against Gingrich campaign for broken foot - So if he wins the lawsuit…who breaks his foot?...Would a Ron Paul supporter be considered a Gingrich ARCH enemy? Sorry, it’s the Tourette’s

One Million Moms to JC Penney: fire Ellen, she's gayEllen to one million moms:  Fuck you, I’m rich!

Wes Welker is a big fan of Tom Brady’s toilet – But Brady complained that Wes left a ring on his super-bowl!

News of Jellyfish Takeover Unfounded, Scientists SayThat’s good to know, but what the fuck is that giant gelatinous viscous mass of protoplasm that is creeping over my back yard fence?

Congress makes it tougher to shoot in U.S. capitol – ACLU vows to take this ruling to the Supreme Court, “Assassins have rights too!”

Florida woman blames her 'big breasts' for failing sobriety test – Officer admits, “I pulled her over because of her ‘big breast’, but she failed the breastalyzer breathalyzer on her own.”

Some blacks insist: 'I'm not African-American'They now insist on being referred to as “Notacracker-American”

1 comment:

  1. Classic funnies. I have always loved reading these! Just pissy that your Super Bowl prediction was right. Of course I wonder if the Giants can still call it a win since the Pats never actually showed UP for the game. Hm.

    Following from Monday Mingle. "I'll be back" as it was once said by someone much richer, and more scandalous than I.

    ReplyDelete

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