Thursday, January 19, 2012
PARENTS and WORRY
PARENTS and WORRY
I read blogs everyday written by young moms, stay-at-home moms, working moms, single moms, older moms, moms with tons of kids, moms of twins, moms with little children, adolescents, and teens.
The theme of many of these blogs is worry. Worry about potty training, worry about eating habits, worry about exercise, worry about too much TV, worry about bullying, worry about school.I sometimes think how nice it is that my children (3 out of 4) are grown-up, on their own and doing fine. Then I realize that I still worry.
How are their finances, do they know what they are doing? Do they even have a clue about raising my grand-children? Are they driving safely? Do they need new tires? Do they check their heating systems every year? Are they overworked? Do they party too much? How is their health? Are they eating right, do they drink too much, can they survive a bad relationship, are they at risk with hobbies of distance running, mountain biking, snowboarding, casino gambling and diversions I do not know about?
It turns out as a parent you never stop worrying about your children. As they get older you just can’t express your concern. Your job is basically done, they are grown and on their own.
They are probably smarter than are you, and most of your concerns are unfounded. Offering even good unsolicited suggestions will not be heeded. Your credibility is tarnished.
That does not mean you do not worry. You offer advise if it is requested, otherwise you stay silent…and you worry. You don’t love your grown children the same way as you loved your helpless needy infants, toddlers, adolescents and teens. But you do love them and you do worry.
The fact is that with age your children start to worry about you. How is your health, are you getting forgetful? Can you still drive safely? Are you OK?
While helping me with a simple task a few years back, my 35 year old looked at me with concern and jokingly remarked, “You’re going to be living with me soon aren’t you.”
At every stage of the parent child relationship your love changes in intensity and direction, but always it is there, and always there is worry.