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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

MY F*CKIT LIST

MY F*CKIT LIST

As I get older, I think more and more about my bucket list – things I want to do before I move underground. 
I am a simple man, my list is pretty short:

1.     Catch a blue marlin

2.    Bowl a 300 game

3.    Shoot a hole-in-one

4.    Join the ½ mile high club (I am afraid of hights)

5.    Ask a famous person if he would like my autograph

6.    Jump in a NYC cab and yell “follow that car”

7.    Go to a fancy restaurant and order a box of wine

8.    Rent a Porsche and park it in my driveway on Christmas Eve with a big red bow on the hood

As much as I want to achieve these things there is also a list of stuff I have never done and plan to meet my maker without ever doing them.  I call this my F*CKIT list:

1.    I have never shot a gun, I aim to keep it that way.

2.    I will never have a threesome (there could be some wiggle room on this one).

3.    I will never jump out of a plane with or without a parachute.

4.    I will never go camping (I might be convinced to spend a night in a tent if it included #2).

5.    I never ate a dill pickle I intend to keep it that way.

6.    I have never masturbated.

7.    I have never told a lie

8.    I never let the air out of Miss Gromlick’s car when she failed me in Trigonometry, i'm not going to start now.

9.    I have never keyed someone’s car after they pissed me off by taking my parking space that I had been waiting for last Christmas Eve at the Menlo Park Mall and I never will.

10.                       I have never gone to an Opera and plan to keep it that way.

11.                       I have never sang karaoke, never will.....fuckit!

12.                       I have never egged Mrs. Rosenthall’s house because she wouldn’t let me cut through her back yard as a short cut to my friend’s house when I was 12, why would I start now?

These are all things that I have never ever done and vow to never ever do. 

What things are on your F*CKIT list?

3 comments:

  1. Things on my F*CKIT list:

    I have never ran in a marathon.
    I have never given birth to triplets.
    I have never jumped out of an airplane and will never do that unless it's going down and I have no other choice.
    I have never said the "F" word out loud. Seriously.
    I have never shaved my head.
    I have never eaten a raw egg.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have never owned a cat, and don't intend on it.

    I have never taken math based class for fun, because it isn't and won't start now

    I have never finished a cross word puzzle, but intend to keep screwing them up and leaving the paper behind to befuddle others.

    I have never stood someone up for a date no matter how badly I wanted to, and won't start now because karma would find me....

    I have never eaten sushi, and don't intend to.

    I have never attended an NFL football game. whatever.

    Great list idea! Thanks for sharing yours with us!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Awesome idea. I will have to think on this one.

    ReplyDelete

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