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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

HOW TO RESPOND TO THE UNIDIGIT SALUTE

HOW TO RESPOND TO THE UNIDIGIT SALUTE


I am not an expert on many things.  As I think of it I am not an expert on anything, except I have mastered the correct response to the universal sign for “FUCK YOU!”  Yes, the finger.  How do you respond when someone gives you the finger?  I have a proven effective response to the road rage single digit salute.
Yesterday, Mrs. Cranky and I were returning from a movie (“The Help”, highly recommended.)  The exit from this theater is directly onto Rt. 1.  This is a crowded road in Central New Jersey.  It is not Rt. 2078, it is ROUTE ONE!  Exiting this theatre and entering Rt. 1 can be dicey.  A wimp could be stuck forever and never get home.  Mrs. Cranky, as mild mannered as they come, is no wimp behind the wheel.

Mrs. C saw an opening and took it.  Apparently the blue Camry she jumped out in front of did not like her maneuver.  The car behind us did not have to brake.  The driver maybe had to take her foot off the gas.  I know I have taken my foot of the gas thousands of times to let someone get on the road.  Hell I have even tapped the brake occasionally.  It has never upset me to do that. 
It upset the Lady in the blue Camry.

The lady in the blue Camry leaned on the horn several times to show her displeasure.  Unapologetic, we pulled off the Rt. 1 exit to enter Rt. 18 south.  The blue Camry pulled off, apparently heading for Rt. 18 north.  She honked again, and as she was pulling alongside Mrs. C said, “She’s going to give us the finger!”
“Give her two quick friendly type beeps.” I said, and Mrs. Cranky complied.  As the blue Camry was giving me the finger, Mrs. C beeped friendly like, and I smiled and waved enthusiastically as if I thought I knew the driver.

There is a certain satisfaction involved in flipping the road rage bird.  The satisfaction in knowing you just told someone else that they were   reckless and stupid.  There is satisfaction in telling someone off by signing, and they have no opportunity to respond.  By smiling, beeping and waving, the blue Camry was robbed of this satisfaction.  The blue Camry thought we thought we knew her and that her honking was to get our attention.
When we parted our ways, the blue Camry swerved and almost hit the exit curb.  I am guessing the driver was pissed that we did not get upset and fire the finger back.  I am guessing the driver was pissed that we did not even acknowledge her dissatisfaction.  She was pissed that we did not acknowledge that she just flipped us the bird. 

We laughed our asses off.
If you happen to stumble across this blog lady in the blue Camry; we saw your salute and we laughed at you.  Now go fuck yourself!  ASSHOLE!!

7 comments:

  1. Ahhhhh if only we had the chance to use the last few lines on the flippers to their face. That would be the ultimate satisfaction. To tell them Thank you for providing me entertainment at your expense... and of course FUCK OFF!

    Love you Cranky! Keep it up.

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  2. Ha ha! Perfect! I haven't been flipped off in years. Guess no one gets mad at me :-)

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  3. I found you through the blog hop and am now following.

    http://cumminslife.blogspot.com/

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  4. Oh this is gold!

    My hubs is going to be so happy that I read this. He is certain that I am going to get killed by some maniac in a road rage incident due to my agressive ehem, response to being flipped off.

    I am adopting this from now on as my standerd response.

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  5. Useful advice for city/metropolitan driving. The bird flies frequently and the horn is used so often that I never even know when people are honking at me. However, I do know when the unifinger salute is for me. I shall remember this response when driving in Dallas and Fort Worth. It will give me great joy to rob North Texan drivers of their joy in their reckless driving (forget Southern hospitality when it comes to metropolitan driving). Thank you.

    ~Ashley~

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  6. I love this! Plus it would be something my kids to do it. They probably wouldn't understand why it was funny but it would give me great satisfaction. Great post.

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  7. What's up, just wanted to say, I liked this post. It was funny. Keep on posting!

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