HUGS

Hugs

You often hear people say they need a hug.  A hug is supposed to be therapeutic, a pick-me-up, a reassuring sign of affection.  Maybe.  There are many types of hugs and they all mean different things.  We don’t need an interpretation of these hugs, the meanings are universal:

Woman and man

1.     The “You might be getting lucky hug” – This is the woman hugging with two arms around your neck. Butt is in neutral position; (If this is in the goodbye mode, you blew it.)

2.     The “It’s just nice to see you hug” – One arm over your shoulder, one arm under.  Butt is in neutral position. *

3.    The “I missed you, but…well…maybe hug” – One arm over the shoulder, one arm under; the over arm rubs your back. Butt is in neutral. *

     4.    The “This polite don’t even think about it hug”- One arm over the    shoulder, one arm under, the over arm pats you on the back.  Butt is angled away from you. *

    
     5.    The “You are going to get lucky soon hug”- Two arms around the neck with a prolonged squeeze.  Butt is angled in and touching.

6.    The “You might be getting lucky right now hug”- Two arms around the neck, a prolonged squeeze, both legs wrapped around your pelvis.

*  Most men will still interpret all hugs with an unrelated female as at least - The “You might be getting lucky hug.”

                                                  Woman to woman

1.    The “I missed you hug”- Both arms under, both hands rubbing.

2.    The “Men are such jerks sympathy hug”- Two arms around the neck, sustained squeezing and back and forth rocking.

3.    The “You are such a bitch hug”- Hands on both shoulders, peck on each cheek, “We must do lunch!”

4.    The “Want to experiment hug?”- Two arms around the neck, prolonged squeeze, butt in.

5.    The “You might be in for a really good night hug”- #4 with a wink if it is your wife.

Man to man

1.    The “Way to go bro hug”- Both arms out, heavy chest bump.

2.    The “I love ya but I’m not gay hug”- One arm over the shoulder, one arm under, mutual fist pounds (three) to the back. Hips NEVER thrust in!

3.    The “WTF hug”- Both arms over, prolonged squeeze, hips in; followed by two hands to the shoulder, a big shove, and “WTF?”

Everyone may need a hug from time to time, but you don’t always get the one you want.