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Saturday, August 27, 2011

ARGUING WITH A WOMAN

ARGUING WITH A WOMAN


Would you play football against a team that was allowed to field twenty-two players against your eleven?  Would you play baseball against a team that was allowed six outs an inning to your three?  Would you play poker against someone who started every hand with Aces to your 7-2?  Then I ask you, men, why do you argue with a woman?

You can’t argue with a woman because they make up the rules.

Men, when you get grief because you left your underwear on the floor don’t ask “what is the big deal?”  The big deal is you ALWAYS leave your underwear on the floor.

RULE #1 When you do something wrong, you ALWAYS do it wrong.

RULE #2 When you forget to do something, you NEVER remember to do it.

Rule #3 Do not compare what you did or didn’t do to your lady. 

For instance:  “But you sometimes leave your panties on the floor.”

Dude….you just compared your disgusting u-trow to your ladies panties!  Men’s underwear/ladies panties; apples and oranges, or more accurately thorn bush and lilacs.

Rule #4 For every complaint that you have a valid response, she will not acknowledge, but will hit you with another of your screw ups totally out of context.  Responding to complaints is like being the ball in a pinball machine, and she is the flipper.

Rule #5 There is a three day window to bring up any wife’s screw-up.  Husband’s mistakes have an unlimited shelf life.  If you were wrong eight years ago you are still wrong, and it will be brought up!

Rule #6 If an argument involves a time, date, or year you are wrong.

Rule #7 Hearsay evidence is only immiscible for the wife.  What her girl friend says counts, what your stupid deadbeat drunken friends say carries no weight.

Rule #8 If you raise your voice, it is because you know you are wrong.

Rule #9 If you remain calm, you are a controlling unemotional egotistical jerk.

Rule #10 If she cries, the argument is over and you lost.

The most important rule of all:

WHEN YOU WIN YOU LOSE!!  Even if you have a really comfortable couch.  When you win you lose.

Full disclosure requires I say that experiences that led to the above post were ALL pre-Mrs. Cranky!  Mrs. Cranky also requires I make this statement!

7 comments:

  1. LOVE your blog! I'm now following! Please check out my blog at:
    http://www.romanianprincess.com/

    XoXo Nicole Mariana

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  2. Awww poor Joe - I didn't think I was that bad. I always try and be reasonable in an argument because I never want to have to apologise for saying something I really shouldn't have...and we have a rule in our house, you never ever say sorry unless you are damn sure that you are going to take steps to ensure the same thing never happens again!

    I do say 'fine' a lot though and everyone knows that when a woman says 'fine' in an argument the man has lost.....lol

    :-)

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  3. msg to lou, its not that bad. in fact in 3 yrs he's never had that kind of argument. he bases some of his stuff on previous spouse(s) so you dont have to feel sorry for him. he is well taken care of.

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  4. You are so right-on about everything that I just had to laugh. Out loud.

    Katrina
    They All Call Me Mom

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  5. Tears in my eyes, ROFL! Awesome post!

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  6. Absolutely love it. And all correct, naturally.

    Love the blog - new follower from FYBF

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  7. Excellent post this week, Cranky! Must share. Thanks for linking up.

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