SHOOT ME IF…..
I know I am getting old because I wake up with pains in my body and I have no idea what I did to cause them. I can live with that, but if there comes a time when I get caught doing certain things, please put me out of my misery.
Shoot me if…..
You catch me sifting through sand on the beach with one of those metal detectors on my arm.
You catch me wearing one of those European Speedos.
You catch me standing in line for an early bird special.
You catch me combing my hair from a part just above my left ear.
You catch me wearing a white leather belt with matching loafers.
You catch me going to a psychic for advice.
You catch me driving 40 mph in a 60 mph zone…. in the left hand lane.
You catch me peeing in a sink.
You catch me trying to do the NY Times crossword puzzle with a magnifying glass and a magic marker.
You catch me flirting with a mail box.
Just one thing, please...not in the face! "Big Pussey from The Sopranos"